Monthly Archives: November 2012

Pedal to the Metal.

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Joe was having a moment of clarity this afternoon, so I asked him if he would tell me how he and Dot first met.  Dot was sitting next to him on the couch.

Joe:  “We went to school together, didn’t we?”

Dot:  “No, we met at a dance.”

Joe:  “At the school?”

Dot:  “Well yeah, but at my school.  The boys from your school came to our dance.  I went to an all girl’s school.”

Joe laughed:  “Oh yeah, now I remember.  There were so many girls there!”

Dot:  “And out of all of those girls, you decided to ask me to dance.”

Joe:  “Well, either that or you’re the only girl who said ‘yes’.”

Dot:  “No, no.  You only asked me.  I know cuz I was watching.”

Joe:  “You were watching me?  What were you watching me for?”

Dot:  “Because I thought you were kinda cute…”

Joe burst out laughing.

Me:  “I think you just made Joe a little shy.”

Joe:  “Not me!  I’m not shy.”

Dot:  “Oh and tell Whitney about when we had our first date.”

Joe:  “Which one?”

Dot:  “There’s only one, FIRST date, Joe.”

Joe:  “Oh yeah, I guess you’re right.  I must’ve lost count.”

Dot:  “Well my sister brought her date along so that we could have a double date, because that’s the only way that my parents would let us go out with boys.  My sister and her date drove behind us, and Joe let me drive his car…”

Joe:  “I remember that!  That was a bad idea letting you drive, Dot.”

Dot:  “It wasn’t my fault that the gas pedal got stuck!”

Me:  “Wait…What happened?”

Dot:  “Well I was driving pretty fast, because I must’ve been trying to show off or something, and the next thing I knew, the gas pedal was stuck!  And I couldn’t get the car to stop!”

Joe laughed:  “Yup, I remember that.”

Me:  “So what did you do?”

Dot:  “Well, my sister and her date were driving behind us, and they said that they could see sparks coming out from under the car and everything!  I didn’t know what to do.  But lucky for me, Joe was there.”  She reached over and patted his leg then.

Joe:  “Yeah, lucky for you.  Not so lucky for me!  You darn near crashed my car!”

Dot:  “We didn’t crash.  You told me to turn the engine off and just focus on keeping the car on the road.  Eventually the car slowed down.  And do you remember the best part of the story, Joe?”

Joe looked confused:  “Better than you almost wrecking my car…?”

Dot:  “Do you remember where the car finally came to a stop?”

Joe:  “On the side of the road somewhere I guess…”

Dot:  “It stopped RIGHT in front of Mildred Johnson’s house.”

Joe:  “Who’s Mildred Johnson?”

Dot:  “Your ex-girlfriend.”

Joe laughed:  “Oh yeah…I thought that name sounded familiar.”

Dot:  “You’re not fooling me.  I know that you remember who she is.”

Joe looked all starry-eyed:  “Yeah, I remember Mildred…”

Dot cracked up:  “Yeah, I just bet you do.”

Joe:  “But I remember you best of all, Dot.”

Dot:  “Yeah, you’d better say that.”

Joe looked at me and winked.

The Car Wash.

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My new favorite thing is going through the car wash with Joe.

Joe:  “What the hell is this fandangled contraption all about?!”

Me:  “It’s a car washing machine.”

Dorothy sits in the backseat when we go through the noisy car wash, and since she can only hear out of one ear, she is completely oblivious to Joe’s running commentary.

Joe:  “Why the hell did someone make a machine to wash cars?!  Is there something wrong with a bucket of soapy water, a hose, and a wash rag?”

Me:  “Well this is just faster.  And easier.”

Joe:  “Oh hell, it doesn’t seem any faster and easier if you ask me!”

I rolled the window down to hand over 5 bucks to the guy running the car wash.

Joe:  “What’d you give that guy money for?”

Me:  “To pay him for the car wash.”

Joe:  “What the hell?!  You gotta pay to go through this goddamned thing?”

I didn’t respond, and instead just focused on rolling up the window, lining up the tires onto the tracks, and putting the car in neutral so that we could get started.

When Joe noticed that I had taken my hand off of the steering wheel but the car was still moving, he reached his arms all over the place trying to find something to hold onto for safety.  He finally settled on having both hands clutching his seat belt strap.

Me:  “It’s okay Joe, just relax.  We’re letting the machine do the work.”

By that time, we had gone through the first part of the wash, where it sprays the car down with water and then covers it in soap.  As soon as Joe saw the ropey looking things that start scrubbing down the car; that’s when the running commentary began.

Joe’s eyes were huge:  “Oh. My. God. We are getting closer to that…THING!  IT’S PULLING US IN!”

Me:  “It’s okay, it’s just material that is going to get the car all clean.”

Joe:  “The hell it is!!  That’s going to rub the paint right off of my car!”

Me:  “No, it’s really gentle.  It won’t rub off the paint.”

Joe looked at me:  “You show me two cars.  Put them side by side; one that goes through this fandangled mess, and one that just gets washed by hand, and I will show you how much worse off that car is than the other.”

Me:  “Okay, I’ll do that.”

Joe:  “Oh my lord, just look at that.  We’re sitting in here and just letting this thing ruin my car.  Whoever built this thing should be shot.”

Me:  “That’s kind of harsh, don’t you think?”

Joe:  “It’s not harsh enough, in my opinion.”

Me:  “Okay, look Joe, we’re almost finished.  We’re going through the dryer now.”

Joe:  “What do you mean ‘dryer’?  My car can’t stand too much heat.  It could melt!”

Me:  “It’s not that hot.”

Joe:  “Do you want to go out there and stand in it?”

Me:  “Well, no…”

Joe folded his arms:  “Well okay then.”

When we finally got through the machine and all of the wheels were on dry land, I looked to see Joe completely craning his neck to look back at the car wash.

Me:  “We’re all finished now, Joe.”

Joe:  “Do we have to get out and walk back through it now?”

I laughed:  “Walk through the car wash?”

Joe:  “Yeah, let’s get out so we can walk through it now.”

Me:  “No, Joe.  We’re not going to get out and walk through it.”

Joe:  “But, how else am I going to take a shower?”

Dot:  “What is he talking about up there?”

Me:  “Joe’s asking if he can get out and walk through the carwash to take a shower.”

Dot laughed:  “Sure, go ahead!”

Joe reached for the door handle.  I stopped him by saying, “You already had your shower today, Joe.”

Joe:  “I did?”

Me:  “Yep.  You did.”

Joe:  “Okay then, if you say so.  We’d better get the hell out of here now, before that thing chases us down and swallows us!”

Dot:  “What’s he saying?”

Me:  “He’s worried that the carwash is going to swallow us.”

Dot shook her head and smiled:  “What an adventure, huh Joe?”

Joe:  “Something like that.  We’re all alive anyhow.”

Me:  “Yep, we’re all alive.”

Joe:  “Remind me never to go through one of those goddamned things ever again.”

Me:  “Okay, I will.”

 

 

Joe’s First Horse.

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Joe and I were walking out to get the paper this morning when he started to tell me about his first horse.  He hardly every sparks up a conversation, so I couldn’t wait to hear all about it.

Joe:  “Yup, I was just a boy but I wanted my own horse so bad.  Dad told me that horses were too expensive so I’d just have to wait until I was a little older so that I could save up money to buy one for myself.”

Me:  “Oh bummer.”

Joe:  “No, it was alright because I walked into town the next day and ran into an old man with a horse.  I asked him if I could pet it, and he said, ‘Why sure, Little Fella’.  I loved that old horse the moment I set eyes on it.”

I could tell that Joe was kind of trailing off of the conversation, so I kept asking him questions to keep his mind on it.

Me:  “Did you tell the old man how much you wanted your own horse?”

Joe:  “Huh?  Oh yeah….yup, I told him that he was lucky to have such a nice horse…”

Joe stumbled then and I had to catch him before he fell right into the ditch.

Me:  “Whoa, look out there, Joe!”

Joe laughed:  “Can’t seem to walk straight these days.”

Me:  “It’s okay, you’re doing just fine.  So tell me more about that horse…”

Joe:  “Oh yeah, well the old man asked me if I had a horse, and I told him that I wanted a horse of my own real bad, but my family couldn’t afford to buy me one.”

Me:  “What did he say after that?”

Joe:  “Well he asked me, ‘How much money you got in your pockets?’  I put my hands in my pockets and pulled them both out empty, and left them hanging out so that he could see for himself.  Then he asked me to check my back pockets, and when I reached back I found my comb.  I held the comb up so that he could see it.”

Me:  “What did the old man say to you then?”

Joe chuckled:  “Well sure enough, he hollered out, “What do you say you trade me that there comb, for this here horse?”

Me:  “Wow, really?!”

Joe laughed:  “Yup.  So sure enough, I gave him my comb and he gave me his horse, and I thanked him over and over again and went on my way.”

Me:  “Holy Moly, so he just gave you his horse?”

Joe:  “Well, I paid him with my comb, but yeah…”

Me:  “What’d your dad say when you came back home with a horse?”

Joe laughed:  “Dad was sure surprised.  He hollered out at me ‘Whatd’ya got there, Shorty?’ and I just stood there next to my horse with a big, shit-eatin’ grin on my face.”

Me:  “Did he let you keep it?”

Joe:  “Oh yeah, well we had a farm and all, so there was plenty of room for him.  Dad told me that I had to build him his own stall, but I was happy to do that.”

Me:  “What did you name him?”

Joe:  “Name?  I don’t remember what his name was.  But he was blind as a bat is all I can remember about him.”

Me:  “The horse was blind?”

Joe chuckled:  “Yup, he was blind all right.  My dad and my brothers teased me about it all the time for letting an old man trick me into buying an old, blind horse, but I didn’t pay them any never-mind.”

I laughed:  “So were you able to ride him?”

Joe:  “Oh yeah, I put a saddle on him and away we went.”

Me:  “And you didn’t have any trouble, with him being blind and all?”

Joe:  “Well he was clumsy as all-get-out and he ran into shit all the time, so I had to really watch where we were going or he would’ve trotted us right over a cliff.  But other than that, he was a good horse.”

Me:  “Well I’m so glad that you got a horse that you could love so much.”

Joe got a little bit teary eyed:  “Yep, I did love him.  That blind little shit.  He was clumsy as hell, but I loved him.”

I patted him on the shoulder and smiled:  “That was one lucky horse.”

Joe looked confused:  “What horse are you talking about?”

Me:  “Oh nothing.  Let’s go inside and read the paper, huh?”

Joe:  “Yeah, okay.  I guess that’d be alright.”

Chocolate Pudding.

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Dot has been saying that no one makes their own pudding anymore, and she insists that the kind that you mix up yourself is so much better than the kind in the “tiny” containers at the grocery store, so I decided to whip up some do-it-yourself chocolate pudding last night for dessert.

If I had known how excited Joe and Dot would be when I put a big bowl of chocolate pudding in front of each of them, I would have started making pudding a long time ago!  You would’ve thought it was Christmas morning if you could have seen the looks on their faces when I put a dollop of whipped cream on the top.  They both grabbed their spoons and dove right it.

Dot:  “Isn’t this the BEST PUDDING YOU’VE EVER HAD, Joe?”

When Joe looked up at her, his mouth and chin were covered in chocolate pudding.

Joe shrugged:  “Yeah, it’s alright.”

Dot:  “Did you make this yourself?”

I nodded.

Dot:  “I just can’t even believe that people are too lazy to even make their own pudding these days, because it’s SO MUCH better this way!”

Me:  “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

Dot noticed that I wasn’t eating any pudding, so she said, “Aren’t you going to have any?”

Me:  “No, I cheated on my diet during Thanksgiving, so now I’m back on track and trying to be good, so I’d better not.”

Dot shook her head:  “Well that’s just no way to live.”

Joe looked up at me with big eyes and a chocolate-covered face:  “You can’t have pudding after Thanksgiving?  Is that kind of like how you’re not supposed to wear white after Labor Day…?”

I laughed:  “Yeah, something like that Joe.”

Practical Joke.

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I woke up at 2am this morning, because I could hear Lois rummaging through the kitchen cabinets.  Quickly, I put on my slippers and stumbled toward her with my eyes only half open.

Me:  “What are you doing, Lois?”

Lois was full of energy:  “Well Good Morning!  How are you today?”

Me, rubbing my eyes:  “Lois, it’s only 2 in the morning, what are you doing up?”

Lois:  “Oh, I just needed a little snack.”

And that was when I fully became aware of what was happening.  There was Lois,  clothed only in a white tank top, a pair of Depends, and slippers.  But that wasn’t the strange part.  The strange part was that she had her face and her head completely wrapped up with one of her sweaters, and all I could see were the whites of her eyes.

Me:  “Um, Lois…?  Is your head cold?”

Lois:  “Well it was…but it isn’t anymore.”

Me:  “Lois, you’re going to catch a cold if you stand in front of the refrigerator in your underwear.  Can I help you with something?  What kind of a snack do you want?”

Lois:  “Oh, I don’t know…anything…PUMPKIN PIE!”

She shouted so suddenly that I jumped.

Lois laughed:  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Me:  “That’s okay.  Would you like whipped cream on it?”

Lois:  “Well of course whipped cream.  You can’t have pumpkin pie without whipped cream!”

Me:  “Of course not.”  I pulled everything that I needed out of the fridge, when Lois decided that she needed her pie to be heated up.  (Lois does not have a microwave, so heating anything up takes FOREVER.)

Me:  “Lois, since it’s 2 in the morning, would you mind just eating your pie cold?  Midnight snacks are always cold.”

Lois:  “But this pie is so OLD!  I could get sick if I eat it before it’s warmed up!”

Me:  “I bought the pie from Fred Meyer yesterday.  It’s not too old.  Plus, just so you know, I would give my left foot to be able to eat a cold piece of pumpkin pie right now, but I can’t since I’m on a ‘no-sugar’ diet, so I will just have to live vicariously through you.”

Lois:  “You like COLD pumpkin pie?”

Me:  “Yes I do.  It’s my absolute favorite.  Well, next to cold pizza.”

Lois looked a bit suspicious, but after she thought about it for a minute she smiled:  “Well, okay then.  For you…”

Me:  “Thank you, Lois.  One thing though…”

Lois:  “What’s that?”

Me:  “You’re going to have to uncover your mouth if you’re going to eat your snack.”

Lois laughed:  “Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that!”  I helped her to unwrap her head.

I laughed:  “You know, I didn’t want to say anything, but you should see yourself right now. (This may seem unusual, but Lois is still at a stage in her dementia where she can snap out of it with the right cues.)  You have your entire head wrapped up in your sweater, but you’re practically naked everywhere else!”

Lois felt around for her bare arms and legs and then she cracked up:  “Boy, I must be quite a sight!  You know…Sometimes I think that old age is just God playing a practical joke on us.”

Me:  “You think so, huh?”

Lois:  “Well yeah, I mean the urine alone would be enough to keep Him entertained!”

The Priest and the Acorn.

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Father John delivers Communion to Joe and Dot’s house on Saturdays since it is becoming too difficult for them to go to church on a regular basis.  Now that my schedule has changed, and I no longer work on the weekends, Dot enjoys keeping me in the loop about anything funny that happens during Saturday Communion.

This week, Dot met me at the door because she was so excited to tell me about Father’s latest visit.

Dot:  “You’re never going to believe what happened to Father!”

Me:  “Oh no…what is it this time?”

Dot:  “Well, he got out of his car and started walking toward the house, and a nut fell from the tree and hit him right on the top of his head!”

I cracked up laughing because I could just picture the whole scene taking place.

Dot continued:  “It just about scared him half to death because he didn’t know what it was that hit him at first.  He thought that some kids were throwing rocks at him, so he held his Bible above his head and started running!”

Dot and I both just about fell out of our chairs laughing at that point.

Joe walked into the kitchen, grinning:  “What are you ladies laughing about?”

Me:  “Dot just told me about the acorn hitting Father on the top of his head!”

Joe laughed:  “I don’t remember hearing about that?”

Dot:  “Yeah, it happened this Saturday.  Father was scared because he thought that someone was throwing rocks at him.”

Joe did a deep belly laugh:  “So the nut clocked him right on the top of his head?!  What are the chances of something like that happening?”

Me:  “Well it’s never happened to me.”

Dot:  “Me either.”

Joe:  “Well he’ll probably never come back here again!”

Dot:  “Of course he’ll come back, Joe!  It was only a little old acorn that hit him.”

Joe:  “Yeah, but he might have thought it was the Devil!”

Dot:  “Oh Joe, he doesn’t think it was the devil.”

Joe:  “How do you know?  Priests only think about 2 things:  God and the Devil.  So if he doesn’t think that God threw the nut at his head, then who does that leave…?”

We all cracked up.

Me:  “That’s a good point, Joe.”

Joe laughed:  “Well, if nothing else it will help him to remember to put on his hat before he leaves his house in the morning!”

 

The Winemaker.

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When I walked into Joe and Dot’s house this week, I was carrying 2 bottles of cranberry wine that I had purchased for them during last week’s trip home to Seattle.  Joe and Dot love wine, and I knew that it would be perfect to serve at their son’s house for Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Of course when I walked in, Joe greeted me by turning to Dot and asking her:  “Who’s that girl?”

Dot:  “Her name is Whitney, she’s here to take care of us.”

Joe:  “I don’t need anyone to take care of me!”

Dot:  “Well, she’s also going to cook for us.”

Joe:  “She’s gonna cook?”

Dot:  “Yes, and she’s an excellent cook!”

Joe:  “She IS?  Well, how the hell do you know that?”

Dot:  “Because she’s cooked her before.”

Joe looked at me suspiciously:  “SHE HAS?!”

Me:  “Yep. Lots of times.”

Joe:  “But isn’t she the Wine Lady?”

Dot:  “No, her name is WHITNEY!”

Joe:  “Oh okay.  Whitney, the Winemaker.”

Me:  “Well, I didn’t actually make this wine, Joe.  I just bought it at the winery.”

Joe:  “So the Winemakers sent you?”

Dot rolled her eyes.  I just smiled and said, “Yep, the Winemakers sent me.”

Joe:  “Oh okay, why didn’t you say so in the first place?  I’d never turn away a Winemaker!”

For the rest of the week Joe referred to me as the “The Wine Lady” and I just went with it.  It is kind of catchy:  “Whitney, the Winemaker”.

Perhaps I missed my calling…

 

Can’t Blame a Guy for Tryin’

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You’d think that after more than a decade of helping elderly folks take a shower, I would know how to complete the process without occasionally getting soaking wet.  Joe offered a solution this morning:

Joe:  “Well, you may as well just come on in here with me.”

Me:  “I don’t think so, Joe.”

Joe:  “Why the hell not?  You’re getting all soaking wet anyway.”

Me:  “Well, for one thing, there’s not enough room.”

Joe grinned:  “I’m sure I could scoot over a bit for ya.”

Me:  “As much as I appreciate the offer, I just can’t take you up on it this time, Joe.”

Joe winked:  “Well, alright then.  Can’t blame a guy for trying’.”

I laughed:  “Nope, not at all.”

Funeral Mass

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I was in the middle of cooking lunch the other day when Dot came running into the kitchen to say: “We’re going to have to have a late lunch because I just remembered that one of my friends died and her funeral starts in half an hour!”

Leave it to Dot to tell me these kinds of things at the very last-minute.

Of course, both Joe and Dot needed to change into their best clothes, brush their teeth and comb their hair before we left the house. On a good day these tasks can take them both an hour or more to do, but of course we did not have an hour; we had around ten minutes.

Joe was a pretty good sport about the whole thing; letting me whip his shirt off over his head and put a new shirt on just to have Dot tell me, “Not that one! THE RED ONE!” In fact, Joe didn’t even ask where we were going until we were almost to the Catholic Church.

Joe: “Where are we going?”

Dot: “To a funeral.”

Joe: “What the Hell are we going to a funeral for? They won’t even be happy to see us anyways…since they’re dead!”

Dot: “Watch your language. We are about to go to church!”

Joe: “Church?! I thought you said we were going to a funeral?? Since when did they start burying folks in the church!”

Me: “Joe, listen. We are going to the church for the funeral service, and then afterwards they will bury her in the cemetery. We will all need to be quiet while we’re in the church, and we will all need to be on our BEST BEHAVIOR, okay?”

Joe: “Well of course we have to be on our best behavior if we’re in CHURCH! God hears us in there, you know…”

Dot: “Actually Joe, God hears us all the time.”

Joe: “Oh He does not!”

Thankfully, we had arrived at the church and I’d parked the Buick, so that I could easily put an end to the bickering by announcing, “We’re here!”

Joe: “You’d better be good, Dot. We’re at CHURCH you know…”

Dot rolled her eyes.

We went through the back entrance of the church and found a place to sit on one of the pews on the far right; near the pianist and worship leader. Dot slipped into the pew first, and Joe followed her close behind. When I sat next to Joe, he grinned at me and said, “Do I know you…?” I just shook my head “yes” and grinned back at him.

I was actually amazed by how well Joe behaved during the service; especially considering that it was one of the longest funeral services I had ever seen in my life! From beginning to end it lasted more than two hours. Joe was getting pretty restless once we hit the first hour mark, but he managed to stay quiet.

That is, until Communion…

The Priest performed the blessing and then of course invited the Congregation to come up to the front to partake of the bread (the Body of Christ) and to drink from the giant goblet filled with red wine (the Blood of Christ). One of Joe and Dot’s friends had (unbeknownst to them) asked the Priest to bring Communion directly to where Joe and Dot were sitting, since she had noticed that they had not waited in line with the rest of the Congregation. When she (the friend) returned to her seat next to Dot, she told Dot that the Priest would be coming over in a moment to offer them their Communion. Dot looked over at me and rolled her eyes.

It was not that Dot did not want to take part in Communion; it’s just that she knew that the entire church would be watching them since they had all received their blessings and had gone back to their seats. When the Priest began walking over to us, I found myself holding my breath…

The Priest gave both Joe and Dot their pieces of bread and reminded them that it was the Body of Christ.

Joe: “The WHAT of WHO?”

I heard a little bit of stirring in the Congregation.

The Priest repeated patiently that it was the “BODY of CHRIST”.

Joe: “Oh, okay. I guess I’ll take a piece.”

The Priest just smiled and looked over at me.

Priest: “And bless you for taking such good care of our dear Brother and Sister here. I have known them both since I was just a little boy and we all love them dearly.”

My face turned bright red, I’m sure. I smiled at Joe and Dot and said, “I’m happy to do it.”

After the Priest had blessed them both, he asked Dot: “Would you and Joe like to receive the Blood of Christ today?”

Dot shook her head “no” because she didn’t want to press her luck with Joe’s good behavior so the Priest smiled at all of us and began to walk away.

Joe: “The WHAT of WHO?!”

Dot whispered: “Joe, be quiet…”

Joe: “Hey wait a minute! Is that WINE in that giant cup?!”

Dot whispered loudly: “Joe, be QUIET!”

Joe: “Well why did you tell him that we didn’t want any wine, Dot? HEY!”

The Priest turned back towards us.

Joe: “I’ll take a SWIG of that!!”

At that point, most of the congregation could no longer suppress their giggles. I could tell that even the Priest wanted to laugh, but instead he pretended like he didn’t hear it and just went right back to preaching the funeral service.

Joe looked at me with such a sad expression and whispered: “But…how come we didn’t get any of that wine?”

I whispered back: “I will give you a glass of wine when we get back home. Don’t worry, Joe.”

Joe smiled at me and then whispered to Dot: “Who is that girl I was just talking to?”

The rest of the service went by without a hitch and when it was over we all headed back out to the car. Several people came over to give Joe and Dot a hug before we left, which I thought was very sweet. Dot explained to Joe once we got in the car who the people were.

As we were driving home, Joe asked me: “Why were we just at the church for so long?”

Dot: “Because the Priest did a full Mass.”

Joe: “That wasn’t no MASS!”

Dot: “Yes it was a Mass, Joe. That’s why it took so long.”

Joe: “That wasn’t no GODDAMN MASS!”

Dot: “JOE, we were just at CHURCH!”

Joe: “So what?”

Dot: “So you should watch your language.”

Joe, much softer this time: “All I was saying is that it wasn’t no goddamn Mass, Dot. It was a FUNERAL!”

I patted his knee and said, “You’re right Joe. It was a funeral.”

Nice Weather We’re Having…

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I had a difficult time getting Joe to wake up the other day.  He just didn’t want to get out of his warm bed, and who could blame him?  I bribed him with breakfast, and the newspaper, and his favorite; a hot cup of coffee, but he just wouldn’t move.

Dot hollered out from her bedroom, “IT’S TIME TO GET UP, JOE!”

Joe laughed, still all snuggled up in his covers:  “Mornin’ to you too, Dot.”

Joe finally rolled over to look at me with his adorable grin and said, “Well, I guess it’s about time I got these ol’ creaky bones a’movin’ before Dot gets any madder.”

Once Joe decided to sit up, I helped him to put his bathrobe and slippers on so that we could make our way to the shower.  I always walk in front of him so that he can follow me, and when I looked into Dot’s room I noticed that she was changing.  It didn’t take long for Joe to notice the same thing.

At the sight of Dot, topless, Joe froze in his tracks.  She hadn’t even noticed us standing there yet.  I motioned for Joe to keep moving, but he clearly had a one-track mind.

I’m not kidding at all when I tell you that Joe (92 years old) walked over and leaned against Dot’s bedroom door, all seductive-like, and opened the top of his robe a bit more to expose his chest back to her.

Joe offered a small grin, and with a low voice he purred, “Well good morning there, Pretty Lady!”

Dot looked up then, startled momentarily, and then when she realized what Joe was gazing at, her face turned bright red.

Dot smiled:  “Follow the girl to the shower, Joe.”

Joe was not deterred, and with his eyes locked on her chest he added:  “Nice weather we’re having today, huh…?”

Dot couldn’t help but giggle then, and she reached for her blouse.

Joe was trying to be helpful when he said, “Do you need a little help with the buttons?  I’m pretty good with my hands…”

Dot offered a shy grin:  “No, I can get ’em.  Go on now…”

I tried to lure Joe away by saying, “All right, Joe, time for your shower.  Follow me!”

Joe completely ignored me:  “Hear that, Dot?  Time for OUR shower.”

Dot started laughing at that point because how could she not?  Joe was being so charming, and completely adorable.

Dot:  “It’s time for YOUR shower, Joe, now GO!”

Joe shrugged his shoulders, looked at me, and finally decided to follow me to the bathroom:  “Can’t blame a man for trying, right?”

I laughed and said, “Nope.  Not at all.”

Joe:  “One of these days she won’t be able to resist me.”

Me:  “I’m sure you’re right, Joe.”

Joe shuffled along behind me:  “I think I need a new robe.  This one sure didn’t help me any.”

Me:  “Okay, I’ll be on the lookout for a new robe for you.”

Joe:  “Yeah, that’d be good.  As you can tell, I need all the help I can get!”