How to tell when Joe is in a bad mood:

Dot: “Did you like that?”

Joe: “What?”

Dot: “Your ice cream! Was it good?”

Joe: “No.”

Dot: “Why didn’t you like it?”

Joe: “It tasted like shit!”

Dot: “Oh it did not! You love ice cream!”

Joe: “Have you tasted it?”

Dot: “Yes, it’s chocolate ice cream.”

Joe: “It’s a pile of shit!”

Dot: “Do you like the singing on the show?”

(We’re watching “The Voice“)

Joe: “What show?”

Dot: “The one on TV. It’s a singing show. Do you like the girl who’s singing?”

Joe: “No.”

Dot: “Why not?”

Joe: “Cuz she sounds like shit.”

Dot: “Oh no she doesn’t.”

Joe: “How do you know what shit sounds like?”

Dot: “How do YOU know what it sounds like?”

Joe: “I’ve gotta get out of here.”

Dot: “Where do you want to go?”

Joe: “Take a shit.”

Me: “Hey Joe, is shit your favorite word tonight?”

Joe looked right at me and then tapped Dot on the shoulder.

Dot: “What?”

Joe: “Who is that girl over there?”

Dot: “That’s Whitney. She’s going to take you to the bathroom now.”

Joe: “What for?”

Dot: “So you can take a shit!”

Joe: “I don’t need any girl to help me take a shit!”

Dot: “Yes you do! Last time you went to the bathroom by yourself you fell right on your face!”

Joe looked around the room and he appeared bewildered: “What the HELL is going on around here?!”

Me: “Everything’s okay Joe, you’re safe at home.”

Joe looked at me like I was crazy and shouted: “BULLSHIT!”

Looks like it’s going to be another long night…