That’s Not Reese Witherspoon!

I was asked to do a fill-in shift today to care for an elderly couple, both in their 90’s, with dementia.  I will call them Wilma and Barney, and they are an adorable Jewish couple, originally from Boston.  Barney is the quiet and polite one, and Wilma has all the attitude in the world, but they are both just as sweet as can be.

All they really wanted was to watch movies all day and eat their meals and snacks in their recliners.  They love movies so much that their daughter made sure to get them like 1,000 channels on their giant flat-screen TV so that they would have plenty of variety.  We watched every kind of movie today; Romantic Comedies, Dramas, True Stories, Classics, you name it.  After dinner Wilma wanted to lay on her bed and watch TV in her room for a while, so I set her up with a Reese Witherspoon chick-flick and left to clean the kitchen.

About 15 minutes later, I went into Wilma’s bedroom to check on her and her eyes were as big as saucers.  That was when I looked at the TV just in time to see an extremely graphic sex scene, complete with nudity, a swimming pool, and the works.

I said, “Whoa!  That’s not Reese Witherspoon!” and dove for the remote control.

At some point within my 15 minutes of absence, the chick-flick had ended and Cinemax: After Dark was scheduled next.  It wasn’t even dark yet!

For those of you who may be wondering; Wilma did not even have access to the remote because I had left it on top of the TV and she’s not able to walk without assistance, so the fault was all mine for not checking the movie listings for that network.

After I quickly changed the channel to the most Rated G movie that I could find, Wilma shook her head, and said with her adorable East Coast accent:

“Thank Gwad ya came in here when ya did!   I’m not sure what happened, but all of a sudden folks were takin’ off all their clothes and…well…it just got real swassy (saucy), if you know what I mean.  Much too swassy for my taste.”

Oh, it was swassy all right!


imagesJust like every other American, we were glued to the television yesterday, and we were shocked and saddened by the tragic events that were unfolding at the Boston Marathon.

Even Joe was watching the news coverage in between catnaps.  At one point he woke up to see footage of the bombs going off at the finish line and it really startled him.

Joe:  “We’d better get out of here, Dot!”

Dot:  “Where do you want to go?”

Joe:  “Well it looks like we’d best be getting home because something bad is happening!”

Dot:  “We ARE home, Joe.”

Joe:  “OH NO!  OH NO!!”

I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder to make him feel safe.

Me:  “It’s okay Joe.  We are all safe at home.  No one is going to get hurt.”

Joe:  “Is that right?”

Dot:  “The bombing is happening in Boston, on the East Coast.”

Joe:  “Bombs??”

Me:  “Yes, but we are far away from it.”

Joe:  “Well that’s good!”

Me:  “Yes, it is good for us, but it’s definitely not good for the people in Boston.”

Joe:  “Well I guess I’d better go help out!  Dot, where is my uniform?”

Dot:  “You don’t have your uniform anymore.”

Joe:  “Oh yes I do!  It’s around here somewhere!”

Me:  “What uniform are you looking for, Joe?”

Joe:  “My fireman uniform.  I can’t help put out a fire without my uniform!”

Dot:  “You’ve retired from the fire department, Joe.”

Joe:  “I have not!”

Dot:  “Yes you have!  You’re too old to be a fireman.”

Joe:  “Too old MY ASS!  Now help me find my uniform so that I can go and help those people!!”

Clearly it was time for me to change the subject.

Me:  “Hey Joe, how about I go and fix you a snack?”

Joe’s eyes lit up:  “Well…I guess I could eat a little something.”

Me:  “How does ice cream sound?”

Joe just about jumped out of his chair he was so happy:  “ICE CREAM?!  Well I’d say that sounds pretty darned good!”

Me:  “Okay then, ice cream it is.”