Brain Freeze


I took Joe and Dot to town this morning so that we could run a few errands, and on the way home we drove through Dutch Brother’s Coffee for a caffeine fix. I asked Dot if she wanted anything and she said, “No, we don’t want anything.”

Joe said, “Hey, speak for yourself! I want something.”

I ordered my usual: iced sugar free Caramelizer, half as sweet, and I ordered Joe a Caramelizer freeze (which may actually be the best drink on the planet).

Joe said, “Whoa…that sounds fancy!”

Me: “Oh, it is fancy, just you wait…”

Joe grinned.

When they handed me the drinks through the window, Dot said, “Wow! That looks good!”

Joe snapped, “It’s mine! You said you didn’t want anything.”

Dot rolled her eyes.

I smiled at Joe and said, “You could share…”

Joe looked at me like I was crazy, grinned and shook his head: “Nope.”

I warned Joe: “Now don’t drink it too fast or you will get brain freeze…”

Joe’s eyes got big: “This drink is powerful enough to freeze my brain?!”

Me: “Well yeah, sort of, but only if you drink it too fast.”

Joe: “Oh, ok.”

Joe took a sip and said, “This is GOOD! Too bad you didn’t order one, huh Dot?”

Dot chose to ignore his comment and looked out the window.

Thirty seconds later, Joe started coughing and holding his head, and when I looked over at him I saw that he had already sucked down his entire frozen drink in one long, satisfying gulp.

Me: “Oh no, Joe! You went and froze your brain didn’t you?”

Joe: “Well bye-golly I think I did!”

Dot laughed: “That’s what you get for not sharing…”

Joe looked at her with a big grin and said, “Well my brain already thawed out, so it was worth it.”

Mario Andretti vs The Buick.

Joe, Dot and I were all loaded up in their old Buick and headed to the local meat market this afternoon so that Dot could “stock up”.

We got a few blocks away when the car started shaking.

I said, “Do you guys feel that?  It feels like we have a flat tire…”  So I pulled the car over to the side of the road to look at the tires.

They all appeared to be fine, but I suggested that we head back to the house to be on the safe side.  Dot agreed and said that there was a local mechanic that she could call to come check it out.

Joe just didn’t seem to understand what was going on at all and when we returned to the house he said, “Well that was just a big, fat waste of time!”

Dot and I just ignored him because it doesn’t do any good to explain things when he gets in his moods, but I smiled at him because smiles always seem to calm him down.  It worked because he met my smile with a grin from ear to ear.

The mechanic arrived 15 minutes later, and as he was driving the Buick slowly down the driveway one of the front tires completely blew out.  Joe, Dot and I were standing outside when it happened and it startled us.  We all jumped, and Dot sounded like it was the end of the world when she shouted, “Oh my Good Lord!!”

Joe thought it was hilarious and started giggling.

Dot sounded annoyed when she said: “What is SO funny?”

Joe shouted so that the mechanic could hear him as he was getting out of the Buick:  “YUP!  IT WAS THE TIRES ALRIGHT!”  T

he mechanic and I cracked up.  Dot rolled her eyes.

When the mechanic walked over to us to explain what he would do next, Joe motioned for the guy to come and speak to him privately and the mechanic humored him.

Joe turned his back away from Dot and I, but he was speaking loudly enough for us to hear when he said:  “I’ll tell you what happened.  That girl over there (he pointed directly at me with his thumb and even nodded his head in my direction)…well she’s the CRAZIEST driver you ever SAW!”

The mechanic looked over at me and I winked at him (I’m a terrible winker so it most likely resembled a facial twitch that made me look crazy).  “SHE was driving AT LEAST a hundred miles an hour.  You’d think she was Mario Andretti or something!  And that…THAT is when the tire blew up.”  He widened his eyes for dramatic effect when he said, “We’re lucky to be alive.”

Dot just shook her head and said, “Oh Joe…”