Tag Archives: cookies

The Seafood Diet.

Posted on by
Reply

Dot was asking me about my diet this morning because she’s impressed with the results that I’ve achieved so far.  I explained to her that I’m not allowed to eat carbohydrates.  She had a puzzled look on her face so I said that I just don’t eat any sugar or flour; so no bread, rice, pasta or desserts for me.

Dot:  “Well I think that I’d like to go on that diet with you.”

Dot probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet, so I told her that she didn’t need to go on any diets.

Dot looked at Joe’s expanding belly:  “Well then we should put Joe on that diet with you.”

Joe looked shocked:  “ME?!  I’m not going on any goddamned diet!”

Dot:  “Well, you should go on a diet!  Besides, this one sounds perfect for you…”

Joe:  “The only way that any diet will be perfect for me is if I can eat as much ice cream and as many cookies that I want!”

Dot:  “See?  This will work out perfectly!”

I stopped their argument to interject:  “Actually Dot, this diet is not perfect for either of you.”

Dot looked confused:  “But I thought that you said that all you can eat is sugar and bread…?”

I laughed, “No it’s the opposite.  The only thing that I CAN’T have is sugar and bread.”

Joe crossed his arms and gave Dot a look that said, “I told you so!”

Dot:  “Well that just doesn’t seem right not being able to have desserts…”

Me:  “I actually don’t know of any diets where desserts are permissible, Dot.”  I thought back and suddenly remembered a joke from grade school, and with a straight face I said, “Well, except of course the Seafood Diet…”

Dot looked intrigued:  “What do you get to eat on that diet?  Just fish and shrimp and stuff?”

I winked at Joe:  “Well it’s a simple diet.  Basically how it works is when you SEE food, you get to EAT it!”

Joe busted out laughing at that point.  “Ok, you’ve talked me into it.  I’ll go on THAT diet!”

Dot laughed too:  “Oh just never you mind about diets, Joe.”

Joe:  “Yeah, but now I WANT to go on a diet.”

I laughed and said, “Well it’s pretty much the diet you’re already on, Joe.”

Joe:  “Is that right?!  Well all right then.  That sounds alright.”  Then he went back to reading his newspaper.

 

 

 

 

Chocolate.

Posted on by
6

When I finished cleaning up after lunch, I noticed that Joe was a bit teary-eyed.  I sat next to him on the couch and rubbed his back a little bit while I asked him what was on his mind.

Joe:  “Well, I just realized that I haven’t seen my Mom and Dad in a really long time and I think that they might be dead…”

Dot walked into the room then and Joe asked her, “Hey Dot, are my parents dead?”

Dot:  “Yeah, they died a long time ago.”

Joe:  “Is that right?!  How’d that happen?”

Dot:  “They got old.”

Joe:  “Oh.  Well that sounds about right.”

Dot went into the kitchen then and Joe started crying big, alligator tears.

I started to rub his back again and I said, “I’m sorry that you’re so sad today, Joe.”

Joe:  “I’m not really sad so much as…I just feel lost.  Totally lost.”

Me:  “It’s going to be okay Joe, you’re safe and sound in your own home and you’ve got Dot around to keep you company.  You have nothing to worry about.  Nothing at all.”

Joe started to relax a little bit then and I gave him a Kleenex to wipe his eyes and nose.

Me:  “Is there anything that I can do to make you feel a bit better?”

Joe shrugged.

Me:  “I think I know something that might do the trick…”

Joe:  “You do?”

Me:  “Yep, just wait here a second.”

I went into the kitchen to see if there were any cookies in the cookie jar, but it was empty.  However, I noticed that there was a bag of fun size Snickers bars so I quickly grabbed one before Dot turned around.  Dot was busy writing out a birthday card at the kitchen table.

Joe was still pretty teary when I returned, so I hid the Snickers bar behind my back.

Joe wiped his nose again:  “What do you got there?”

Me:  “What?  Where?”

Joe:  “Behind your back.  What’s that behind your back?!”

His eyes got big when I showed him the candy bar.

Joe:  “Who is that for?!”

I smiled:  “It’s for you of course!  I thought that it might make you feel better.”

Joe:  “Well, I don’t know if it’s gonna help…but I’ll try it.”

I took off the wrapper for him and he took a big bite.

Me:  “How are you doing now…any better?”

Joe was still chewing on his chocolate bar when he said, “Yeah!  I DO feel better!”

I patted him on the back:  “Oh good, Joe, I’m so glad that you’re feeling better.”

Joe:  “What did you put in this?”

Me:  “In the candy bar?”

Joe:  “Yeah, why did it make me feel better?”

Me:  “Because it’s made of chocolate…and full of love.”

Joe grinned:  “I thought so!”

Tater Tot Casserole.

Posted on by
1

I made tater tot casserole for dinner tonight and it was a big hit.  Dot acted like I was the best cook in the entire land, and I told her that it was a really simple recipe.  Dot asked Joe if he liked the casserole.

Joe:  “What casserole?”

Dot:  “The casserole that’s on your plate.  Do you like it?  It’s good isn’t it?”

Joe:  “Well I ate all of it, didn’t I?”

Dot:  “I’m just asking you if you like it.  It wouldn’t kill you to give a compliment once in a while…”

Joe:  “It’s a compliment that I sat here and cleaned my plate.”

Dot thought about it for a second:  “I guess that’s true.  Do you want a cookie?”

Joe:  “Sure, I’ll take a cookie.”

I gave each of them a cookie.  Dot ate her cookie and left the table to go watch the news in the living room.  Joe just sat there looking at me.

Me:  “What’s new Joe?”

Joe:  “I don’t know…nothin’.”

Me:  “Did you get enough to eat?”

Joe:  “Not really…”

Me:  “Would you like more casserole?”

Joe:  “What casserole?  That stuff with the taters on it?”

Me:  “Yep, that.”

Joe:  “No, I’m full of that…”

I got him another cookie:  “Will this help?”

Joe grinned:  “Yep.  That’s more like it.”

Joe and Dot’s daughter, Shelly, drove here to take Dot to church tonight, and when she walked into the kitchen she said, “Ooohhh.  You guys had tater tot casserole for dinner!  Wow, that brings back a lot of memories…”

Me:  “You’ve had tater tot casserole before?  Your mom said she’s never had it…”

Shelly grinned:  “Mom made that casserole at least once a week when I was growing up.”

Me:  “Well no wonder they both loved it so much.”

Shelly:  “Oh yeah.  It’s one of their favorites.”

Joe:  “What are you ladies talking about?”

Shelly:  “That casserole that Mom used to make when I was growing up.  You had it for dinner tonight…”

Joe:  “Oh yeah.  Well anyway, the cookies are better.”

Who is that girl?

Posted on by
3

Joe essentially has no short term memory at all, so he never remembers my name, and if I leave the room for a few minutes and come back, he is totally surprised to see me.

Lately he has been talking about me a lot behind my back, but of course I can always hear him.  The conversation goes like this:

Joe:  “Who is that girl?”

Dot:  “She takes care of you.  Her name is Whitney.”

Joe:  “What do you mean, ‘she takes care of me’?”

Dot:  “Well, she helps you with stuff…”

Joe:  “What stuff?”

Dot:  “Like getting dressed and taking a shower.  She cooks for us too!”

Joe:  (defiantly)  “Well I don’t need any help.  She should be helping YOU!  You’re the one walking around all crippled up with a cane…”

Dot:  “Yeah, well…she helps both of us.”

Joe:  “Well I still don’t like it…not one bit!”

Dot:  “You should be thankful, Joe!  If it wasn’t for Whitney, you wouldn’t get to have any ice cream…or cookies!”

Joe:  (shocked)  “Is that right?”

Dot:  “Yes.  She spoils you.”

Joe:  “Well, I guess we’d better keep her on the payroll then…”

Skip to the Cookie.

Posted on by
1

Dot: “Joe, eat your sandwich!”

Joe: (stares at sandwich in silence.)

Dot: “It’s grilled cheese – your favorite!”

Joe in quiet defiance:  “I don’t want to…”

Dot: “If you eat your sandwich I’ll let Whitney give you a cookie for dessert.”

Joe grinned:  “How ’bout we just skip to the cookie right now?”

Dot: “Just eat your sandwich!”

This goes on for 10 more minutes, until I say, “Dot, he did eat most of his soup…”

Dot looked into his soup bowl:  “Oh alright then. Take his sandwich away and give him half a cookie.”

Joe downed his cookie while grinning at Dot the whole time.

Dot: “Too bad you only got half of a cookie…”

Joe winked at me:  “Half of a cookie is better than no cookie at all!”

Monster Cookies.

Posted on by
3

I made a batch of Monster cookies today and I gave one to Joe and Dot while they were still warm; fresh out of the oven.

Dot took her first bite, and while her mouth was still full she said:  “People would die for this!”

With melted chocolate all over his face, Joe said: “What’s that you say Dot? Someone died?”

Dot finished chewing and said: “No, I said that someone could die from eating these cookies because they’re SO GOOD!”

While looking suspiciously at his cookie, Joe said, “Are they poisoned?!”

Dot rolled her eyes and said, “Never mind. Just let me enjoy my cookie.”

Joe looked at his cookie, then looked at me, then back to his cookie and said: “Oh to hell with it. That’s not such a bad way to go…”

Then he took a huge bite and gave me the sweetest chocolatey grin.