Those God%#@* Coyotes!

Lois the FinLois has continued to ask me about visiting her sister, Sylvia, who has been dead and buried for nearly ten years.  As I mentioned in my earlier post, I have used every tactic that I can think of to try to redirect her thoughts, but to no avail.  Finally, I had no choice but to break the news to her:

Me:  “Lois, I hate to be the one to tell you this…”

Lois snapped:  “Tell me what?!”

Me:  “Sylvia passed away about ten years ago…”

Lois was shocked:  “Did she get hit by a car?!”

I have no idea how Sylvia died, but I didn’t imagine that she was hit by a car so I said, “No.”

Lois:  “Did the wolves get her?”

Me:  “The wolves?  Ummm…that’s highly unlikely.”

Lois:  “It must’ve been the coyotes.  Those GODDAMNED coyotes!”

Me:  “I’m pretty sure that she died of old age, Lois.”

Lois laughed:  “She wasn’t old enough to die of old age!”

Me:  “She was in her 80’s.”

Lois:  “Who the HELL are you talking about?!”

Me:  “Your sister, Sylvia.”

Lois:  “What the HELL is the matter with you!  I wasn’t talking about my SISTER!  I was talking about my CAT!!”

Me:  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I must’ve misunderstood.  I didn’t know that you had a cat named Sylvia.”

Lois:  “I don’t!  My cat’s name is Baby!”

Me:  “Um…okay…so you want to go and visit Baby?  I’m sure that she’s outside if you want to call for her.”

Lois:  “She’s too far away.”

Me:  “She usually just hangs around the backyard.”

Lois:  “Baby is at Sylvia’s house.  I need to go to Sylvia’s house to pick Baby up and bring her home!”

Here we go again…

Wolves.

Lois the FinLois wandered around the house for two hours tonight searching for her crazy cat that completely ignores her. Of course she was wearing nothing but her little pink t-shirt, a pair of saggy Depends and her favorite fuzzy boot slippers.I tried to suggest that she at least wear her bathrobe and her response was: “Do you want me to die of heat stroke or something?!” It was in the 80’s outside today so I could see her point.

I tried to reason with her about flashing the neighbors and her response was: “I ain’t showin’ em nothin they haven’t seen before!”

That is also true.

Two hours later…

Lois: “I can’t find Baby!”

Me: “I know Lois, I’m sorry. I’m sure she’ll turn up soon.”

Lois: “Well the wolves probably got her.”

Me: “I’m sure she’s fine.”

Lois: “Oh no, those wolves gobbled her up! Either that or the coyotes…”

Me: “I’m sure she’s out there somewhere. I saw her at lunchtime.”

Lois: “Did she eat?”

Me: “Yes, she ate some of her soft food.”

Lois: “Oh good! I’m glad Baby got one last, tasty meal before the wild animals ate her for a snack.”

Baby came in an hour later for dinner. She waited until Lois stopped calling for her and then she creeped in and ate her food.

I guess the wolves will have to prey on some other old lady’s cat tonight…