The Shrinking Jacket.

I’ve recently lost a bunch of weight; enough that people are beginning to notice and make comments which is always nice.  When I got to work this morning, Dot and Joe were sitting at the kitchen table finishing their breakfast.

Dot said, “Whoa somebody is looking smaller!”

I was thrilled with the compliment of course, so I told her that I was so excited because the jacket that I wearing (of course I modeled it for them) was way too small for me this time last year, and when I tried it on last week I was amazed because I could actually zip it up.  (I had never been able to zip it before; I always had to wear it open.)

Dot:  “Well that’s just great!  We are so proud of you, aren’t we Joe?”

Joe looked up from his coffee at me for a moment:  “Who are we proud of…?”

Dot:  “We’re proud of Whitney!”

Joe:  “Who’s Whitney?”

Dot pointed at me.  I smiled and waved.

Joe grinned back:  “What are we proud of HER for?”

Dot:  “We’re proud of her for being able to fit into her jacket!”

Joe looked at me:  “What happened?  Did your jacket shrink?”

I laughed and said:  “Nope, I’m the one who shrunk.”

Joe:  “Oh, well I was just wondering because there’s something funny going on around here with the dryer.  My shirts all seem to be shrinking!”  Joe pointed at his long sleeved t-shirt that was fitting very snug over his middle, “SEE?!”

Dot was about to say something to him (about how much ice cream he’s been eating I’m sure) and I interrupted her to say, “Well, I’ll be sure not to put my jacket in the dryer here then!”

Joe:  “Yeah, that’s probably smart.  You wouldn’t want it to go and shrink on you.”  He went on to mutter under his breath, “goddamned dryer” before he went back to reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee.



The Damned Dryer.

This morning I was helping Joe get dressed and I picked out one of his western shirts with the snap buttons.

Once he was all dressed and ready to head out to breakfast, he let out a huge sneeze and six of his snaps came undone around his little pot belly.

He said, “Well would you look at that! My shirt must’ve shrunk.”

I laughed and helped him get all of his buttons snapped again and we headed out to breakfast.

During breakfast, he sneezed again and those same six snaps popped open.

Joe said, “For the love of God! What the hell’s wrong with my shirt!”

Dot said, “You’ve been eating too many sweets Joe.”

Joe said, “Well what the hell do sweets have to do with my shirt shrinking up in the damned dryer?!”

Dot just looked at me, shrugged, and went back to eating her raisin bran.

I finally convinced Joe to change his shirt after he flopped down on the couch and every single snap popped open on his shirt except for the one closest to his neck.

He shouted, “For God’s sake! I don’t know why, but this shirt’s too damned small!”

Dot started to say something and I told her that it wasn’t a good time.

Joe whispered to me, and knowing that Dot doesn’t hear very well, he said, “She’s gonna tell you to stop giving me ice cream…whatever you do, don’t listen to her!”