Funky Chicken.

Posted on September 18, 2013 by Whitney Button

While I was getting Joe ready for bed last night, I discovered several morsels of chicken (leftover from dinner) wedged in his butt crack.

Me: “Joe, may I ask you a question?”

Joe: “Sure!”

Me: “How did you manage to get chicken in your butt crack?”

Joe: “What’s that you say??”

Me: “There is chicken. In your butt crack. How did it get there?”

Joe: “What the hell kind of question is that?!”

Me: “It’s not so much of a question as it is an observation.”

Joe: “Who invited you to observe my ass?”

Me: “My boss. It’s part of my job description.”

Joe: “Your job is to look at old men’s asses?”

Me: “I wouldn’t phrase it quite that way but…Yes, I guess it is.”

Joe’s eyes got real big: “Well that’s one Helluva deal!”

Me: “Tell me about it.”

Joe: “Now what was it we were talking about before?”

Me: “I asked you how you got chicken in your butt crack.”

Joe chuckled: “I guess I must’ve ran out of pockets!”

The Cherry Tree.

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Whitney Button

We were sitting at the table eating breakfast, when I felt Joe’s eyes on me. I looked over at him and he was just grinning ear to ear.

Me: “You look like you’re in a pretty good mood today, Joe!”

Joe: “Yep, I guess so.”

Me: “I bet it’s because you’re wearing your red shirt. You look really handsome in red.”

Dot: “Red has always been a good color on him.”

Joe: “What’s so good about it?”

Me: “It brightens up your cheeks.”

Joe: “What good does that do me?”

Dot: “We’re the ones who have to look at you, and you look good in RED! Now, eat your breakfast.”

Joe: “Does it make me look taller?”

Dot: “Huh?”

Joe: “Does my red shirt make me look taller?”

Dot: “Oh for heaven’s sake…”

Me: “I think it makes you look taller, Joe.”

Joe’s eyes lit up: “Well if it makes me look taller, then maybe I’ll have a better chance of picking a cherry from the cherry tree!”

Dot: “We don’t have a cherry tree.”

Joe: “But if we DID have a cherry tree; when I wear this red shirt then I’ll be taller, and I can pick cherries.”

Me: “You’re right, Joe. You’d be tall enough to pick the cherries AND you’d look very handsome while doing so.”

Joe beamed: “See Dot, I told you so.”

Dot: “I think maybe you’d better not wear red anymore. It gives you a big head…”

Joe: “No Dot, see my head only looks bigger because my red shirt makes me look so much taller.”

Salty Thingamajigs.

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Whitney Button

Nothing like spending an hour putting together healthy Greek chicken pizza for our dinner (using the supplies that I paid for myself) just so that Lois can complain that it’s “okay, but I don’t know why you had to dump so much salt on it…”

I explained to her that the kalamata olives are what makes it salty, but that I used them sparingly, and the pizza is actually very healthy.

Lois: “You can explain that to the doctor after I’ve had my heart attack from all of this salt.”

Me: “I can make you something else…”

Lois: “No, no, I’ve lived long enough anyhow. Have you fed Baby?”

Me: “Yes, I put food out on the patio for her.”

Lois: “You didn’t put any of those thingamajigs in her food, did ya?”

Me: “No, of course not.”

Lois: “Are you sure? Because she’s too young for a heart attack.”

Me: “Yes, I’m sure. I just gave her soft food.”

Lois: “You didn’t pour a bunch of salt all over it, did you?”

Me: “Lois…why would I add salt to Baby’s cat food?”

Lois: “I was just making sure.”

Me: “There are no salty thingamajigs on Baby’s food.”

Lois: “Maybe I should trade her then.”

Ugh.

Survival.

Posted on July 31, 2013 by Whitney Button

After eating a big lunch this afternoon, including dessert, I asked Joe if he’d had enough to eat.

Joe: “I ate enough to survive.”

Dot: “Aren’t you full? You should be full!”

Joe: “I wouldn’t say I’m full so much as…I’m still alive.”

Okay then.

My Sandwich.

Posted on June 10, 2013 by Whitney Button

I love it when I’m at work and by the time I sit down to eat my lunch, Joe and Dot have already finished eating theirs, only Joe doesn’t remember eating his lunch, so when I step away to pour myself a glass of water, Joe helps himself to my sandwich…

Watch Me.

Posted on May 14, 2013 by Whitney Button

We had a late lunch today, so I planned to make dinner for Joe and Dot an hour later than usual. While I was in the kitchen cooking, I heard the following conversation:

Joe: “Well, I guess we’d better head out…”

Dot: “Where do you wanna go?”

Joe: “To the bank.”

Dot: “What do you need to go to the bank for?”

Joe: “We’ll need to get money if we’re gonna go out to eat.”

Dot: “The Girl is in there cooking right now.”

Joe: “What Girl?”

Dot: “The Girl who takes care of us. She’s cooking dinner and she said it would be ready in 15 minutes.”

Joe: “Oh god, I don’t think I’ll make it ’til then!”

Dot: “What do you mean, you don’t think you’ll make it?”

Joe: “I might starve!”

Dot: “Oh Joe, you’re not going to starve.”

Joe: “I am too! Watch me.”

Chinese Food.

Posted on May 7, 2013 by Whitney Button

I decided to make some fried rice and orange chicken for dinner tonight. I wasn’t sure how it would go over with Joe, but I knew that Dot would love it.

Dot: “Oh boy! What a treat! Is this Chinese food??”

Me: “Yep, it is. I thought it’d be nice to have something different.”

Joe: “Chinese? What’s Chinese?”

Dot: “Your dinner. It’s Chinese food. It’s good. Eat it!”

Joe: “It came all the way from China?”

Dot: “Do you think that Whitney went all the way to China to get our dinner?”

Joe laughed: “Well if she did she was sure quick!”

Me: “It’s just the name for this style of food.”

Joe: “Oh okay.”

Dot: “Do you like it Joe? It’s good, isn’t it?!”

Joe: “I don’t know. I haven’t even tried it yet.”

Dot: “So try it!”

Joe: “I’m getting’ to it. I never ate this kind of fancy food before…”

Dot: “Oh you have too! We’ve gone out to Chinese restaurants before.”

Joe: “I ain’t never been to China. I know that for a fact!”

Dot rolled her eyes.

Me: “Hey Joe, it’s really not all that fancy. It’s just rice and chicken.”

Joe: “Oh, is that what it is?! Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?”

Me: “Well I guess I should’ve just said that in the first place, huh?”

Joe: “One thing that I’ve learned in my life is that there’s no point in puttin’ fancy names on things. I mean, for instance, shit is shit. There’s really no way to fancy it up.”

Me: “You are exactly right, Joe. I couldn’t have said it better myself.”

Apparently Dot didn’t hear a word we said when she asked, “How do you like your Chinese food, Joe?”

Joe: “What’s Chinese about my food…?”

Germs.

Posted on April 23, 2013 by Whitney Button

Joe and Dot ate the last of the crab that their son brought home from the Oregon Coast for lunch today. When lunch was over, Dot told Joe to go wash his hands.

Joe: “I don’t need to wash ’em. They’re already clean!”

Dot: “How could they be clean? They have crab juice all over them!”

Joe: “I washed them already.”

Dot: “No you didn’t! I was sitting right here. I would know if you went to the sink and washed your hands.”

Joe: “I didn’t go to the sink.”

Dot: “I know you didn’t! You need to go wash your hands at the sink now. Go!”

Joe: “I don’t need to go to the sink. I washed my hands already.”

Dot: “Oh yeah? What’d you wash them with?”

Joe: “I licked my fingers.”

Dot: “You can’t just lick your fingers. That’s not the same as washing them in the sink.”

Joe held up his hands: “Look at my hands. Do they look dirty to you?”

Dot: “They don’t have to LOOK dirty to BE dirty.”

Joe cracked up: “Shows how much you know.”

Dot: “I know plenty about it.”

Joe: “Okay then, it’s all settled.”

Dot: “Yep, it will be all settled once you go to the sink and wash your hands!”

Joe: “I don’t need to wash my hands. I already licked ’em!”

Alcohol Content.

Posted on April 22, 2013 by Whitney Button

While we were sitting at the table eating lunch today, I was telling Joe and Dot about meeting my friend Faith at Portland’s Bridgeport Brewery on Saturday for dinner. Their son had brought them home some fresh crab from the Oregon Coast so Joe and Dot were both busy using a wrench to break open their crab legs while I was telling my story.

Me: “They had the BEST beer there too! It was called ‘Stumptown Tart’ and it’s a beer brewed with raspberries, blackberries and blueberries.”

Joe: “What the hell is this?!”

Dot: “It’s crab. It’s good. Eat it!”

Joe: “Okay.”

Dot: “Did the beer taste like fruit?”

Me: “Well kind of. I mean, I could taste the fruit but it wasn’t a sweet beer.”

Joe: “Is this a rock? Why are there rocks on my plate?!”

Dot: “It’s not a rock. It’s a crab. It’s good. Eat it.”

Joe: “Oh crab, okay then.”

Dot: “I’ve never had a fruity beer.”

Me: “Oh it’s good, I’m sure you’d love it.”

Dot: “We usually drink beer with our crab.”

Me: “I think you’ve got some beer downstairs, would you like me to get one for you two to share?”

Dot: “No, not now. Maybe with dinner.”

Joe: “Are we having rocks for dinner too?!”

Dot: “No, we’re having beer. And that’s not a ROCK! It’s a crab. It’s good. Eat it!”

Joe: “Oh yeah, crab…”

Me: “So yeah, it was pretty much the best beer I’ve ever had.”

Joe looked at me: “What’s the alcohol content in it?”

Me: “Alcohol content? Oh, I think it was 7 percent or so.”

Joe: “So like a beer then.”

Me: “Yep, exactly like a beer.”

Joe: “It’s easier to get drunk off of beer if you like the taste of it.”

Me: “That’s very true, Joe.”

Joe: “I mean, you can get drunk off of regular beer too, but it’s more fun to get drunk off of beer that tastes good.”

Dot: “Joe! Eat your crab. It’s good. Eat it!”

Joe: “Oh yeah, crab…”

Let’s Make a Deal.

Posted on February 20, 2013 by Whitney Button

I was having a challenging time getting Joe to go to bed tonight. He was determined that he wanted to get in his truck and “go home”.

Me: “Hey Joe, how about we make a deal?”

Joe: “Well that depends…”

Me: “On what?”

Joe: “It depends on the conditions.”

I laughed: “Okay, here’s what I’m thinking. If you will let me help you get tucked into bed, then I will give you a bowl of ice cream.”

Joe’s eyes lit up and he grinned from ear to ear.

Me: “How does that sound?”

Joe: “I think that sounds pretty good.”

Me: “Okay, great! Let’s get you out of your chair and into your bed then, huh?”

Joe: “Why would I go and do a thing like that?”

Me: “Well you want your ice cream don’t you?”

Joe: “Yeah…”

Me: “Well, you have to get into bed first.”

Joe: “Well shit, if I had known that that was part of the deal I never would have agreed to it!”

Me: “Okay, well what do you think would be a fair deal?”

Joe thought for a minute: “How about you go and make me a bowl of ice cream…”

Me: “Okay, and what will I get from you in return?”

Joe chuckled: “I’ll give you a ride home in my truck!”

Joe and Dot

Adventures in Caregiving

Tag Archives: food