White Chocolate Practicality.

“Family Feud” is a game show that has pretty much been around since the beginning of time.  Of course I have heard of the show, but I have never actually watched an entire episode until I began my job as a Care Manager for Ethel.  Since then I have been lucky enough to see at least two episodes back-to-back each weeknight that I make my visits, because Ethel absolutely loves it!

She especially loves the new host; the brilliant and always sharp-dressed comedian, Steve Harvey.  I’m pretty sure that she watches the show just to see Steve Harvey, in all of his shiny-bald-headed handsomeness, so that she can say in her quiet, raspy voice, “Isn’t that the most sharp dressed man you’ve ever seen?”  In fact, in one recent, riveting episode of Family Feud, they surveyed 100 women and asked them, “What would you like to do to the top of Steve Harvey’s bald head?”

I had just assisted the caregiver in getting Ethel safely onto the commode, and Ethel asked me to repeat the question to her because she didn’t hear it.  So I repeated, “They surveyed 100 women and asked them what they would like to do to the top of Steve Harvey’s head…”

Ethel got all giggly, and even covered her face with her hands before she said, “I would kiss it.”

I cracked up and said, “Kiss it?!  Really?”

She looked at me, her eyes wide with shock, and she said, “Of course!  Wouldn’t you?!”

Before I could answer, one of the family members gave, “Kiss it” as an answer, and wouldn’t you know that “Kiss it” was the #1 answer on the board?  Ethel looked at the TV, and then looked back at me, and said, “SEE?!”  I just held my hands up in self defense.

That is the day that I learned that there is no joking around when it comes to kissing Steve Harvey’s bald head.

But that is not the best Ethel/Family Feud story.

The best story began with the following survey question, and it was a question that made even Steve Harvey blush.  It went something like this:

“We surveyed 100 men and asked them, if they could choose, what would their favorite flavor be of edible underwear…?”

Thankfully Ethel had dozed off in her recliner during the survey question.

One of the Male Family Members hit the buzzer:  “Um…Cherry?”

Cherry was the #1 answer.

It quickly became apparent, that while the male members of the family had excellent flavor suggestions for edible underwear, the women were clueless.

Crazy Uncle Ted of the Melvin Family had started up the round with the #1 answer of Cherry and Daddy Melvin came up with the #2 answer, which was Strawberry.  Once it was time for Momma Melvin to offer an edible underwear flavor suggestion, she was clearly flabbergasted by the whole topic.

Momma Melvin:  “Beer.”

Steve Harvey:  “Beer?  As in…beer-flavored underwear?”

M.M:  “Men love their beer right?”

Steve Harvey:  “Mmmm Honey…what do you say you slip into a pair of Budweiser panties tonight?  Sweetie, nothing turns me on more than when you wear your Heineken-flavored drawers!”  Of course the audience laughed hysterically.

Steve Harvey:  “Show me ‘BEER’…”

X – Beer was NOT on the list of one of the popular answers on the survey.

Ethel woke up from her catnap when she heard the caregiver and I trying to control the volume of our laughter.

Ethel:  “What’s so funny?”

Me:  “We’re laughing at the show.  They asked a really strange question, and some of the answers are hilarious!”

Ethel started laughing without even knowing any of the details:  “Oh would you look at that sharp-dressed man!”

Me:  “He really does wear some beautiful clothes, doesn’t he?!”

Ethel grinned from ear to ear:  “Oh yes.”

………….Steve Harvey:  “We interviewed 100 men and asked them their favorite flavor of edible underwear…”

Ethel:  “Did he just say ‘edible underwear’…?”

Me:  “Yes, he sure did.”

Ethel:  “Oh my!”

Another female family member was being asked the question, and her answer was, “Chocolate.”

Ethel:  “Did she just say ‘chocolate’?  Eating a pair of underwear is bad enough, but you certainly wouldn’t want it to be BROWN, would you??”

The caregiver and I just about fell on the floor laughing.

Me:  “You make an excellent point Ethel.”

Ethel:  “Honey, when you get to my age, it’s all about being practical.”

……….Steve Harvey:  “Show me ‘CHOCOLATE’…”

Sure enough; Chocolate was #5, but it was labeled Chocolate/White.

Me:  “Chocolate is a popular flavor for underwear I guess, but at least it’s white chocolate.”

Ethel nodded in agreement:  “Yes, well white chocolate makes much more sense.  Plus it’s delicious!  I have a question though; do people eat underwear often…?”

I quickly pointed at the caregiver, and the caregiver pointed at me.  Since I’m the Care Manager, the responsibility fell on me.

Me:  “Ummm…well…ummmm…it’s more of a naughty kind of a thing…”

Ethel’s eyebrows went up:  “Oh?  Ohhhh.  Yes.  Of course it is.  That’s why the men know so much about it.”

Me:  “Exactly.”