I took Dot to her hearing aid appointment today because they are still trying to adjust it to the right volume for her.  First it was too loud, now it’s too quiet.  Of course Joe came along as well, and he was just full of piss and vinegar today.

Joe:  “Where are we going, Dot?”

Dot:  “To the doctor.”

Joe:  “Why?  What’s wrong with you?”

Dot:  “There’s nothing wrong with me.  I just need the lady to fix my hearing aid.”

Joe:  “You’ve got a hearing aid?  When did that happen?”

Dot:  “A few weeks ago.  You’ve been to the last two appointments with me.”

Joe:  “I have?  But there’s nothing wrong with my hearing, Dot.”

Dot:  “You came with ME to MY appointment.”

Joe mumbled:  “Well you don’t have to shout at me Dot.  I’m not deaf like you.”

Dot:  “Huh?”

Joe laughed and winked at me:  “Exactly.”

Once we got to the doctor’s office, the hearing aid doctor had Joe sit in the room near Dot, and I chose to stand near the doorway so that no one could escape.  The doctor got everything set up on the computer and hooked Dot’s hearing aid up to it so that she could see the volume levels on the screen.

Joe started to say something and Dot said, “You SHUSH now!  She’s working!”

Joe closed his mouth real quick and chuckled at me.

When the doctor asked Dot what the problems were with her hearing aid, Dot said that she has a really hard time hearing Joe because he talks so quietly.  The doctor said, “Well good, since we have your husband in the room with us, we have ourselves a live guinea pig…”

Joe:  “Guinea pig?  Well I don’t know about that…”

The doctor smiled:  “It’s just an expression.”

Joe grinned:  “Oh.  Well that’s alright then.”

The doctor fiddled with some stuff on the computer and then softly said, “Sally sells seashells by the seashore.”

Doctor:  “Did you hear that, Dot?”

Joe:  “Yeah, I heard it…”

Dot:  “Shush now, she’s not talking to you!  Yeah I kinda heard it, but it wasn’t very clear…”

The doctor fiddled with the computer a bit more and then asked me to say something to Dot.

Me:  “Nice weather we’re having today, huh Dot?”

Dot:  “Yep.  I heard that.”

Joe said loudly, while he relaxed in his chair and crossed his legs:  “Well the sun’s shinin’ so I can’t complain!”

Dot rolled her eyes and the doctor and I smiled at each other.

Doctor:  Okay, Joe.  Now I want you to say something to Dot.”

Joe:  “Ok (giggles) well…what should I say?”

Dot:  “I kinda heard that…”

Joe looked kind of nervous to be put on the spot so the doctor asked him a couple of questions:

Doctor:  “What did you have for breakfast today, Joe?”

Joe giggled:  “I can’t remember…”

Doctor:  “Okay, um…Do you have any pets?”

Joe:  “Well let’s see.  I’m not entirely sure, but I think I might have a dog…”

Doctor:  “Dot, could you hear any of that?”

Dot:  “Well, I could read his lips pretty well, but I didn’t hear much.”

Doctor:  “Can I get you to talk again, Joe?”

Joe giggled nervously.  I looked at the doctor and said, “Can I help a bit?”  She looked relieved and nodded her head.

Me:  “Hey Joe, what was that thing that you learned in school?  That phrase that you had to type over and over again in typewriting class…?

Joe beamed with pride when he recited:  “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country!”

Dot:  “I heard that!”

Doctor:  “Good!  Great job, Joe!”

Joe chuckled:  “Well at least I was good for somethin’!  Aren’t you glad you brought me along now, Dot?”

Dot rolled her eyes and reminded him:  “Shush now!”

Joe was defiant:  “Well I was only doing what the doctor asked me to!”

Dot:  “Yeah, but now your part is done.”

Joe:  “Well she wasn’t clear about that part…”

The doctor quickly changed the subject.

Doctor:  “Okay, Dot, now I’m going to adjust the levels for what you hear, when you hear yourself speak.  So I need you to talk for me…”

Dot giggled nervously.

Doctor:  “Who is the President of the United States?”

Dot beamed:  “The President of the United States is Barack Obama.”  Dot looked at the doctor and told her, “That kind of sounds kind of like I’m in a wind tunnel…”

The doctor fiddled around again:  “Okay, now tell me what year we’re living in…?”

Dot:  “We are living in the year 2012.”  Dot smiled that time and added, “There, that’s better I think…”

Joe:  “Hey that’s just not fair!”

Doctor:  “What’s not fair, Joe?”

Joe:  “You asked Dot all of the easy questions, and you asked me the hard ones.  That’s just plain not fair at all…”

Doctor:  “Okay, Joe.  Who is the President of the United States?”

Joe almost jumped out of seat with excitement when he answered:  “CEREAL!!”

The Hearing Aid.

Joe and Dot’s daughter, Shelly, just picked up Dot to take her to her doctor’s appointment.  Joe was really disappointed that he didn’t get to go with them, but I told him that they needed to have some “girl talk”.

Joe said, “Well I don’t want to get caught up in all their girl business.”

Me:  “Yeah, I didn’t figure you’d want to be part of all that.”

Joe:  “What’s Dot going to the doctor for?”

Me:  “She’s going to her ear doctor to get fitted for a hearing aid.”

Joe:  “Dot’s getting a hearing aid?”

Me:  “Yep I think she’s going to try it out to see if it helps her to hear better.”

Joe:  “Well be sure to let me know when that happens.  I’ll have to watch what I say around her…”

Me:  “You don’t have to watch what you say Joe, just be yourself!”

Joe:  “No, I’d better not.”

Me:  “Why is that?”

Joe:  “She might not like me anymore.”

Me:  “Of course she’ll still like you!  She just might roll her eyes more often…”

Joe laughed:  “I thought you said she was going to her ear doctor?”

Me:  “Yep, that’s what I said.”

Joe looked concerned:  “Well maybe she’d better see her eye doctor while she’s at it if her eyes are rolling around in her head…”

I laughed and explained to him what I meant about “eye-rolling”.

Joe totally cracked up laughing, “Is that what it’s called?  I just thought that’s how her face looked.”

Me:  “Well that’s something that you might not want to say around Dot.”

Joe:  “See?  I told you that I’ll have to watch what I say…”

Me:  “Joe, you guys have been married almost 66 years.  I’m pretty sure that you can get away with anything at this point.”

Joe:  “66 years you say?  How the hell did I convince her to stay with me that long?”

Me:  “It must be your good looks.  And your charm.”

Joe thought about it and looked serious when he said, “Yeah, that’s true.  That must be it.”