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We took Joe to see Toots today. Toots is the one and only hair stylist in town. Joe can’t even remember my name after working here for more than six months, but if I tell him that he looks like he’s about due for a haircut he grins and says, “Guess we’d better go see Toots.”
Toots is kind of a big deal around here.
As it goes with any barber shop in a small town, the gossip began before Joe even took his coat off. I helped Joe sit in the barber’s chair, and then I found a seat and happily began reading “People Magazine” while I listened to Dot and Toots share their local gossip. Joe just sat in his chair as quiet as could be and admired himself in the mirror.
Toots told Joe that he’s got a nice head of hair while she snipped away and he just grinned.
Toots said, “You’re lucky, Joe. Most men your age would give their left arm to have your head of hair.”
Joe giggled and said, “If they gave up their arm…Well that just wouldn’t do them any good at all! How would they comb their hair?”
Toots swatted him playfully and said, “It’s just a figure of speech.”
Dot: “You know who wears a hair-piece…? That Anderson Cooper.”
Toots: “No, I don’t believe it!”
Dot: “It’s true…I read that somewhere. Just the front part of his head, and you can’t even tell because it looks so natural.” Dorothy thought for a moment and said, “I wonder if that Anderson Cooper is married…?”
Toots: “Anderson Cooper? I’m pretty sure he’s gay, Dot.”
Dot: (sharp intake of breath) “Oh no, no no…he’s definitely not gay.”
Toots: “I’d have to Google it to be sure, but I’m almost positive that he’s gay. All the good looking ones are, you know…?”
Joe piped in then and said, “Well that can’t be…”
Dorothy: “Oh Joe, you don’t even know who we’re talking about…”
Joe: “I do too. Toots just said ‘all of the good looking men are gay’ and I said ‘that can’t be…”
Toots: “Oh no?”
Joe giggled and said, “Nope…cuz I’m not gay.”
Toots: “I stand corrected, Joe.”
Joe settled back into his chair, entirely pleased with himself while the rest of us laughed at his joke.
Dot: “Well I just don’t see how Anderson Cooper could be gay…he’s on a news channel! CNN I think…”
Toots: “Believe it or not, Dot, gay people CAN report the news…”
Dot rolled her eyes and shook her head in disgust.
Joe just giggled and teased Dot: “Does that make it ‘gay news’?” Dot, what are you doing watching gay news!”
Dot: “Oh Joe, SHUSH!”