The Pocket Knife Cure.

Joe’s brother, Bert and Bert’s wife, Mildred, stopped by for a visit the other day.  When they walked in, I noticed that Bert had some kind of a boil or goiter or something on the side of his face but I didn’t say anything.  Joe was napping in his chair when they arrived and just kind of woke up off and on during their visit.

I told Bert that I could definitely see a family resemblance between he and Joe and Bert said, “Yeah, but we all know who’s the handsomer of the two…”

Joe didn’t even open his eyes when he said, “Yeah…ME.”

I asked our guests if I could get them anything, like coffee or tea, or something sweet…

Bert perked up right away:  “Got any ice cream?”  I smiled and said, “Now I DEFINITELY see a family resemblance.”

Everyone laughed.

We had a really nice visit, and before they left Bert nudged Joe to wake him up to say goodbye.  “Bye Joe.”

Joe:  “Yeah, bye Bert.”  Joe opened his eyes for a minute and said, “What the HELL is that thing on your face!”

Bert looked kind of self conscious for a second, “I’m not sure what it is.  I guess I’d better go see a doctor…”

Joe:  “You don’t need no doctor!  Just use your pocket knife to hack it off!”

Bert:  “Already tried that.”

Joe:  “Well you’d better try again cuz that thing’s gonna scare some folks.”

Dot:  “Oh Joe, leave him alone…”

Joe:  “I’m just sayin’…It’s not making you any prettier, that’s for damned sure!”

Bert chuckled:  “Thanks Joe.  I’ll keep that in mind.”

As I walked our guests to the door I told Bert, “You really should see a doctor.”

Bert just winked at me and said, “I’m going next week.  Can’t let Joe have a leg up on me in the looks department…”

Who is that girl?

Joe essentially has no short term memory at all, so he never remembers my name, and if I leave the room for a few minutes and come back, he is totally surprised to see me.

Lately he has been talking about me a lot behind my back, but of course I can always hear him.  The conversation goes like this:

Joe:  “Who is that girl?”

Dot:  “She takes care of you.  Her name is Whitney.”

Joe:  “What do you mean, ‘she takes care of me’?”

Dot:  “Well, she helps you with stuff…”

Joe:  “What stuff?”

Dot:  “Like getting dressed and taking a shower.  She cooks for us too!”

Joe:  (defiantly)  “Well I don’t need any help.  She should be helping YOU!  You’re the one walking around all crippled up with a cane…”

Dot:  “Yeah, well…she helps both of us.”

Joe:  “Well I still don’t like it…not one bit!”

Dot:  “You should be thankful, Joe!  If it wasn’t for Whitney, you wouldn’t get to have any ice cream…or cookies!”

Joe:  (shocked)  “Is that right?”

Dot:  “Yes.  She spoils you.”

Joe:  “Well, I guess we’d better keep her on the payroll then…”