Tag Archives: kitchen table

Suit Yourself.

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Lois the FinI got Lois all set up at the table for dinner this evening before I finished unloading the groceries from my car.  When I returned to the kitchen to join Lois for a meal a few minutes later, I made a startling discovery.  Lois was sitting at the kitchen table, happily drinking her strawberry milkshake…in the nude.

Me:  “Um…Lois?”

Lois:  “Huh?”

Me:  “Where are your clothes?”

Lois:  “I took ’em off.”

Me:  “I see that.  Where did you put your clothes?”

Lois:  “I got too hot so I took them all off and threw them out the window.”

I looked out the window, and sure enough, there were Lois’ clothes scattered all over the place.  The best part was her bra was hanging off of the hedge that separates her house from her neighbor’s house.

Lois:  “Are you going to join me for dinner?”

Me:  “I’m actually not very hungry at the moment.  I think I’ll wait a while.”

Lois:  “You’re probably just too hot.  You can take your clothes off too if you want.”

Me:  “That’s okay, I’d prefer to keep my clothes on.”

Lois said, “Suit yourself” before she dove back into her cheeseburger.

The Shrinking Jacket.

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I’ve recently lost a bunch of weight; enough that people are beginning to notice and make comments which is always nice.  When I got to work this morning, Dot and Joe were sitting at the kitchen table finishing their breakfast.

Dot said, “Whoa somebody is looking smaller!”

I was thrilled with the compliment of course, so I told her that I was so excited because the jacket that I wearing (of course I modeled it for them) was way too small for me this time last year, and when I tried it on last week I was amazed because I could actually zip it up.  (I had never been able to zip it before; I always had to wear it open.)

Dot:  “Well that’s just great!  We are so proud of you, aren’t we Joe?”

Joe looked up from his coffee at me for a moment:  “Who are we proud of…?”

Dot:  “We’re proud of Whitney!”

Joe:  “Who’s Whitney?”

Dot pointed at me.  I smiled and waved.

Joe grinned back:  “What are we proud of HER for?”

Dot:  “We’re proud of her for being able to fit into her jacket!”

Joe looked at me:  “What happened?  Did your jacket shrink?”

I laughed and said:  “Nope, I’m the one who shrunk.”

Joe:  “Oh, well I was just wondering because there’s something funny going on around here with the dryer.  My shirts all seem to be shrinking!”  Joe pointed at his long sleeved t-shirt that was fitting very snug over his middle, “SEE?!”

Dot was about to say something to him (about how much ice cream he’s been eating I’m sure) and I interrupted her to say, “Well, I’ll be sure not to put my jacket in the dryer here then!”

Joe:  “Yeah, that’s probably smart.  You wouldn’t want it to go and shrink on you.”  He went on to mutter under his breath, “goddamned dryer” before he went back to reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee.