Joe: “I ate enough to survive.”
Dot: “Aren’t you full? You should be full!”
Joe: “I wouldn’t say I’m full so much as…I’m still alive.”
While we were eating lunch today, how do I say this nicely…
Joe passed a little gas.
In hopes that Dot didn’t hear it (since her bad ear was nearest to the event) I pretended like I didn’t notice.
Apparently Joe needed some recognition in that moment, because he giggled and said, “Yoo-hoo!”
Dot looked up at him: “What do you need Joe?”
Joe grinned from ear to ear and said, “Did you hear that Dot?”
Dot craned her head to look outside the window: “Was that the tractor?”
Joe, still grinning from ear to ear shook his head “No”.
Dot said (and I wanted to die laughing): “It sounded like James (their son) just started up the tractor…”
I was trying so hard not to meet Joe’s eyes, but then I thought better of it and tried not to smile when I gave him a look that said: “Don’t do it…!”
Joe was practically bouncing on his chair with excitement when he said, “Nope. It wasn’t no tractor…”
I practically buried my head in my bowl of soup at this point to keep from laughing. It was too late to stop him.
Joe: “Wanna know what it was Dorothy?” Joe was smiling so big when Dot looked at him that I’m pretty sure she figured it out before he announced proudly: “It was a FART!”
It took everything that I had in me to keep my taco soup from shooting out of my nose, but I managed to hold it in.
“Oh Joe…” Dot shook her head in disapproval and went right back to her lunch. Joe started laughing so hard that his whole body was shaking, but once he realized that Dot was determined to have no reaction to what he just said, he quietly went back to eating his soup.
Of course, just when I thought I was safe, Joe made eye contact with me and winked.
I quickly excused myself from the table, and headed to the bathroom where I could shut the door and double over with laughter. Once I composed myself I walked back to the table.
Joe was sitting there with the proudest look on his smiling face. “See Dot? That girl thought it was funny…!”
Dot made a noise that was something between a grunt and a chuckle before she said, “Joe, just stop playing around and eat your soup!”
After going the first week so that the dentist could make a molding of his entire mouth, and then going the second week to have it fitted; by the third week we were finally able to go and pick up his new dentures.
Joe was pretty proud of his new teeth, and on the way home he kept grinning and grinning at Dot and I to show them off.
“Nice teeth!” We told him about a hundred times.
Once we got back to the house, I got our lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and homemade minestrone soup put together, and we all sat at the table to eat.
Joe took one bite of his grilled cheese sandwich and shouted, “What the hell…?”
He looked at Dot and I suspiciously, “Who the HELL put a ROCK in my lunch?!”
He then proceeded to spit one of his newly remodeled teeth into his hand.
I looked at Dot, rolled my eyes, and said with a grin, “Seriously?!”
She sighed and said matter-of-factly, “Well, we’re not gonna do anything about it today…”
Then she looked at Joe and barked, “Joe – finish your sandwich!”