Tiger? What Tiger?

imagesToday I watched “Life of Pi” with Joe (who slept through the entire thing) and Dot (who only slept through part of it).  Before I start any movie I always give Joe and Dot a brief summary of what it is going to be about.  I described “Life of Pi” as being about a shipwrecked teenager who has to figure out how to survive on a lifeboat with a tiger.  Joe and Dot thought that it sounded pretty interesting, so we went with it.

When the movie was over, I asked Dot what she thought:

Dot:  “Well, it was okay…but I was waiting to see the tiger.”

Me:  “You didn’t notice the tiger?”

Dot:  “No, I didn’t notice it.  Which scene was it in?”

Me:  “The tiger is pretty much in every scene.”

Dot:  “Oh well.  I guess you put the wrong movie in huh?”

Me:  “Bummer.  I guess I did.”

(I didn’t.)

A little while later she asked, “What did the tiger look like?”

Me:  “It’s a large orange cat with black stripes…”

Dot:  “OH!  THAT was the tiger?!  I thought that was an elephant.”

Me:  “Nope.  It was a tiger.”

Dot:  “It looked an awful lot like an elephant though didn’t it…?”

Me:  “Um…not really.  It pretty much looked exactly like a tiger.”

Dot laughed:  “I guess you should wear your glasses next time huh?”

Me:  “Yeah, I guess I should.”

(I don’t wear glasses.)

Nuns.

imagesI watched “Sister Act” with Joe and Dot this afternoon, or I guess I should say that I watched it while both Joe and Dot enjoyed their daily head-bobbing naps in their chairs.

During one of the infamous choir scenes, Joe woke up, his eyes got big and he said, “My god, that’s A HELLUVA LOT of Nuns!”

Me: “Yep, it’s a-whole-lotta-nuns all right.”

Later in the movie, Joe woke up during a scene where Whoopi Goldberg was out of her nun costume and wearing an enormous, 80’s, afro-wig.

Joe said, “Do you think that lady knows that a giant yak up and died on her head?”

Me: “If not, I’m sure she’ll figure it out soon enough.”

Joe: “Once it gets too heavy for her neck to hold it up she’ll put it back out to pasture.”

Me: “I’m sure you’re right about that, Joe.”

The Baseball Bat Compliment.

joe_dotAnyone who has seen Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore‘s “50 First Dates” will remember the scene where Henry (Adam Sandler) gets his best Hawaiian friend, Ula (played by Rob Schneider) to pretend to be mugging him on the side of the road in order to get Lucy’s (Drew Barrymore) attention.

Lucy not only pulls her car over to rescue Henry, but she actually takes a baseball bat out of the backseat of her car and proceeds to beat the living shit out of poor Ula.  It’s hilarious!

Joe was napping in his recliner, but he woke up during that scene and he and Dot howled with laughter.

Joe:  “That must be a pretty weak bat.”

Me:  “Why do you say that, Joe?”

Joe:  “Well that pretty lady just beat that guy to hell and back with that baseball bat and he was still able to run away.”

Dot:  “It’s just a movie Joe.  It’s pretend.  The bat was probably made out of plastic or something.”

Joe looked serious:  “Pretend or not, getting beat up with a baseball bat like that would turn a man into a pile of raw hamburger real quick.”

Me:  “That’s true Joe.”

Joe:  “There wouldn’t be no getting up from that!”

Me:  “Nope, there sure wouldn’t be.”

Dot rolled her eyes.

Joe:  “Only a pretty blonde could get away with beating a man to his death like that.”

Me:  “Why is that Joe?”

Joe had a sparkle in his eye:  “Because at least he’d have something pretty to look at.  That wouldn’t be such a bad way to go.”

Joe thought about it for a minute before he grinned real big, looked at Dot and said, “Now don’t go gettin’ any ideas about whacking me with that can of yours…”

Dot smiled:  “Is that your way of telling me that I’m pretty?”

Joe chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

Dot grinned:  “Well that’s about the best compliment that you’ve given me in a long time, Joe.”

Joe turned to look at me and whispered, “Seems I may have said something right.  Maybe she’ll let me in her bedroom later…”

I whispered back:  “Maybe so, Joe.”

Dot craned her neck:  “What’d he say?”

Me:  “He said that lady on TV doesn’t hold a candle to you, Dot.”

Dot smiled from ear to ear and reached over to hold his hand:  “Well you’re just full of charm today, aren’t you Joe?”

Joe beamed with pride and chuckled shyly.

As soon as Dot wasn’t looking, I gave Joe a “thumb’s up” sign and he winked back at me.

All in a day’s work.