Joe: “Dot used to complain that I snored, but I don’t know what she was complaining about cuz it didn’t bother me any; I slept like a baby!”
Tag Archives: Romance
I was tucking Joe into bed last night and I asked him if he was warm enough.
Joe: “Not quite…”
Me: “Would you like another blanket?”
Joe: “I don’t think we’ll need another blanket. Once you crawl in beside me here, we’ll be plenty warm.”
I laughed: “Well I won’t be crawling in bed beside you, so I’d better get you another blanket.”
Dot came in then to give Joe his goodnight kiss, as she does every night. She puckered up her lips, closed her eyes, and moved in for the kiss. Joe’s eyes got really big and he tried to cover his head under his blanket.
Dot: “Don’t you wanna kiss me goodnight, Joe?”
Joe: “Oh…is that you, Dot?”
Dot: “Yes, it’s me! Who else would be giving you a goodnight kiss?”
Joe: “You were going to kiss me??”
Dot: “Of course I was! What’d you think I was trying to do?”
Joe: “I was worried that you were going to bite me.”
Dot: “I’m not going to bite you! Now, do you want a goodnight kiss or not?”
Joe puckered up real quick, and Dot planted a big kiss on his lips. Joe grinned from ear to ear, and then he looked at me and puckered up again.
Joe: “Okay, who’s next…?”
The Cherry Tree.
We were sitting at the table eating breakfast, when I felt Joe’s eyes on me. I looked over at him and he was just grinning ear to ear.
Me: “You look like you’re in a pretty good mood today, Joe!”
Joe: “Yep, I guess so.”
Me: “I bet it’s because you’re wearing your red shirt. You look really handsome in red.”
Dot: “Red has always been a good color on him.”
Joe: “What’s so good about it?”
Me: “It brightens up your cheeks.”
Joe: “What good does that do me?”
Dot: “We’re the ones who have to look at you, and you look good in RED! Now, eat your breakfast.”
Joe: “Does it make me look taller?”
Joe: “Does my red shirt make me look taller?”
Dot: “Oh for heaven’s sake…”
Me: “I think it makes you look taller, Joe.”
Joe’s eyes lit up: “Well if it makes me look taller, then maybe I’ll have a better chance of picking a cherry from the cherry tree!”
Dot: “We don’t have a cherry tree.”
Joe: “But if we DID have a cherry tree; when I wear this red shirt then I’ll be taller, and I can pick cherries.”
Me: “You’re right, Joe. You’d be tall enough to pick the cherries AND you’d look very handsome while doing so.”
Joe beamed: “See Dot, I told you so.”
Dot: “I think maybe you’d better not wear red anymore. It gives you a big head…”
Joe: “No Dot, see my head only looks bigger because my red shirt makes me look so much taller.”
Dot suddenly shot up from the couch in the middle of her favorite celebrity gossip show “Extra“, and she hobbled her way toward the bathroom. As Dot marched past Joe and I, an incredibly loud and continuous burst of gas bellowed out behind her. Even so, she did not seem amused when Joe called out, “Hurry Dot…Hurry!”
Once Dot was in the bathroom, Joe turned to me and said, “That there is what happens when you grow up on a farm…”
Me: “Oh yeah? What do you mean?”
Joe: “Well see…Dot grew up on a farm, and that’s why she knows the importance of crop-dusting.”
I laughed: “You noticed that huh?”
Joe laughed: “Hard not to notice when she goes breezing past ya like that without so much as a how-do-ya-do.”
Me: “It’s probably best not to mention it to Dot though, okay? I’m pretty sure that she thinks that we didn’t notice.”
Joe: “Oh I’m not gonna say anything to her about it! She may have crop-dusted the place, but she’s STILL a lady!”
Joe has been hallucinating all night and all day today. When he is hallucinating, he usually lays flat on his back and talks to the ceiling, and it’s nearly impossible to get him back to reality; we just have to keep him safe in bed and let the hallucinations run their course.
Last night he was having an imaginary conversation with his brother, Bart. First they were planning to go on a hunting trip, then they were loading a flat bed truck with feed bags. At around 3am he was hollering to Bart that he needed to “go out to the garage and unload that hog from Grandma’s rig!”
I sleep in the same room with Joe, so I talked to him from my bed and said, “Joe, what are you hollering about?”
Joe: “Huh…? Oh, well see, Bart left the hog in the garage and it’s bleeding all over the place!”
Me: “Bart already unloaded the hog so there’s nothing to worry about.”
Joe: “How do you know?”
Me: “Because he told me.”
Joe: “Oh he did? Well sorry for hollering at you Bart!”
Me: “Bart says he forgives you.”
This afternoon, Joe was still hallucinating in his bedroom and I was listening to him through the baby monitor that we have out in the living room so that I could hear him if he tried to get up out of bed on his own.
He was mostly just talking jibberish, but all of a sudden he shouted out, “Hey! Hey you! You got any Viagra?”
I went back to his bedroom and asked him if everything was okay.
Joe grinned: “I’m just making arrangements to get my hands on some Viagra.”
Me: “You think you need some Viagra huh?”
Joe: “Well I don’t think I need it, but I think that Dot might enjoy it, if you know what I mean…”
I laughed: “Yes, I know what you mean.”
Joe: “Okay, well go ahead and send Dot in. Tell her I’ll be awaitin’ for her…”
Me: “I’ll be sure to do that.”
Joe: “Oh shit, what are you doing here Bart? Well it’s really not a good time for us to go hunting Bart. Why? Well I’ll tell you why…I just took a Viagra!”
I figured that was my cue to exit.
Pregnant? Who’s Pregnant…?
Dot was trying to help me to get Joe transferred from his bed to his wheelchair this morning, which really just means that she was in my way.
Joe was okay with me helping him, but when he noticed that Dot was holding onto him too he said, “Dot, stop! You can’t help me! Not in your condition…”
Dot: “And what condition is that?”
Joe: “You’re pregnant!”
Dot’s eyes got really big, so I said, “I guess that’s news to you, huh Dot?” Dot cracked up.
Joe: “Well I oughta know! I made you that way.”
Dot: “Not for a long time, Joe.”
Joe: “You think I don’t know how babies are made?”
Dot: “I’m too old to be pregnant, Joe.”
Joe laughed, and with a sparkle in his eye he said, “Well I guess we don’t have to be so careful anymore huh?”
Dot rolled her eyes and said, “Oh boy, here we go again…”
The Baseball Bat Compliment.
Anyone who has seen Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore‘s “50 First Dates” will remember the scene where Henry (Adam Sandler) gets his best Hawaiian friend, Ula (played by Rob Schneider) to pretend to be mugging him on the side of the road in order to get Lucy’s (Drew Barrymore) attention.
Lucy not only pulls her car over to rescue Henry, but she actually takes a baseball bat out of the backseat of her car and proceeds to beat the living shit out of poor Ula. It’s hilarious!
Joe was napping in his recliner, but he woke up during that scene and he and Dot howled with laughter.
Joe: “That must be a pretty weak bat.”
Me: “Why do you say that, Joe?”
Joe: “Well that pretty lady just beat that guy to hell and back with that baseball bat and he was still able to run away.”
Dot: “It’s just a movie Joe. It’s pretend. The bat was probably made out of plastic or something.”
Joe looked serious: “Pretend or not, getting beat up with a baseball bat like that would turn a man into a pile of raw hamburger real quick.”
Me: “That’s true Joe.”
Joe: “There wouldn’t be no getting up from that!”
Me: “Nope, there sure wouldn’t be.”
Dot rolled her eyes.
Joe: “Only a pretty blonde could get away with beating a man to his death like that.”
Me: “Why is that Joe?”
Joe had a sparkle in his eye: “Because at least he’d have something pretty to look at. That wouldn’t be such a bad way to go.”
Joe thought about it for a minute before he grinned real big, looked at Dot and said, “Now don’t go gettin’ any ideas about whacking me with that can of yours…”
Dot smiled: “Is that your way of telling me that I’m pretty?”
Joe chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.
Dot grinned: “Well that’s about the best compliment that you’ve given me in a long time, Joe.”
Joe turned to look at me and whispered, “Seems I may have said something right. Maybe she’ll let me in her bedroom later…”
I whispered back: “Maybe so, Joe.”
Dot craned her neck: “What’d he say?”
Me: “He said that lady on TV doesn’t hold a candle to you, Dot.”
Dot smiled from ear to ear and reached over to hold his hand: “Well you’re just full of charm today, aren’t you Joe?”
Joe beamed with pride and chuckled shyly.
As soon as Dot wasn’t looking, I gave Joe a “thumb’s up” sign and he winked back at me.
All in a day’s work.
I’m watching “The Voice” with Joe and Dot and I commented on Shakira‘s sparkly jacket.
Me: “That’s really a pretty jacket she’s wearing!”
Dot: “I was just thinking that too! What do you think of it Joe?”
Joe: “What do I think of what?”
Dot: “That lady’s jacket. The one on TV…”
Joe laughed: “I don’t know about any jacket but I see some pretty good knockers there…”
Dot: “What’d you say?”
Joe looked at the floor sheepishly: “Nothin.”
Dot looked at me: “What’d he say?”
Me: “He said that it was sparkly.”
Joe laughed: “It’s sparkly all right!”
We had a late lunch today, so I planned to make dinner for Joe and Dot an hour later than usual. While I was in the kitchen cooking, I heard the following conversation:
Joe: “Well, I guess we’d better head out…”
Dot: “Where do you wanna go?”
Joe: “To the bank.”
Dot: “What do you need to go to the bank for?”
Joe: “We’ll need to get money if we’re gonna go out to eat.”
Dot: “The Girl is in there cooking right now.”
Joe: “What Girl?”
Dot: “The Girl who takes care of us. She’s cooking dinner and she said it would be ready in 15 minutes.”
Joe: “Oh god, I don’t think I’ll make it ’til then!”
Dot: “What do you mean, you don’t think you’ll make it?”
Joe: “I might starve!”
Dot: “Oh Joe, you’re not going to starve.”
Joe: “I am too! Watch me.”
After dinner tonight, I asked Joe if he’d had enough to eat.
Joe: “Well…I don’t know…”
Dot: “Oh you’ve had enough! You ate all of your chicken and stuffing and salad and a big brownie. You couldn’t possibly still be hungry!”
Joe: “Well I don’t remember doing any of that.”
Dot: “Well you did do that.”
Joe: “Did you have enough to eat Dot?”
Dot: “Yes! I’m stuffed!”
Joe: “Well I’m not sure what went wrong. I could still eat something.”
Me: “Wow Joe, you really must have a hollow leg tonight!”
Joe looked concerned: “Oh god I hope not! That sounds dangerous!”