Professional Back-Scratcher.

JoeI just finished my commute from Seattle to Portland via train to arrive at Joe and Dot’s house, where I was greeted with two great big smiles.

After we all chatted for a bit, I asked Joe if he needed anything.

Joe:  “Like what?”

Me:  “Like a glass of water or a snack?”

Joe:  “Nah, I think I’m alright.  There is one thing though…”

Me:  “Yeah? What’s that?”

Joe:  “Well see, I’ve got an itch on my back here…”

Me:  “Uh-oh…sounds like you need a back scratchin’.”

Joe:  “Yeah, I was thinking that you looked like someone who could do a pretty good job at that.”

Me:  “I do huh?”

Joe grinned:   “Yep.”

Me:  “Okay, turn around and I’ll scratch your back for ya.”

Joe:  “Now that’s what I call good service!”

Bridge Collapse.

Lois the FinLois keeps asking me about her sister who passed away more than ten years ago, and in my attempts to not have to remind Lois that her sister has died, I came up with the following diversions:

Lois:  “Can you take me to go visit Sylvia?”

Me:  “Look at how sunny it is outside! Would you like to go for a walk?”

Lois:  “Can we walk to Sylvia’s house?”

Me:  “Um…I don’t think Sylvia’s home today. Would you like me to read the newspaper to you?”

Lois:  “Well let’s call her and see if she’s home?”

Me:  “We can call your grandson…”

Lois:  “Is his name Sylvia?”

Me:  “No…”

Lois:  “Then why would I want to call him?”

Me:  “Did you hear about the bridge that collapsed in Washington? It’s on the front page of the paper. I’m from the area where it happened. I’ve driven over that bridge more times than I can even count!”

Lois:  “Did cars fall into the water?”

Me:  “Yes, 2 cars fell in the water, but no one got hurt, thank God.”

Lois: “That must be where Sylvia went. She must’ve fallen off of that bridge.”

Me:  “Oh I don’t think so, Lois.”

Lois:  “Oh I bet she did. She was a terrible driver! Now, what’s for lunch…?”

The Winemaker.

When I walked into Joe and Dot’s house this week, I was carrying 2 bottles of cranberry wine that I had purchased for them during last week’s trip home to Seattle.  Joe and Dot love wine, and I knew that it would be perfect to serve at their son’s house for Thanksgiving dinner this year.

Of course when I walked in, Joe greeted me by turning to Dot and asking her:  “Who’s that girl?”

Dot:  “Her name is Whitney, she’s here to take care of us.”

Joe:  “I don’t need anyone to take care of me!”

Dot:  “Well, she’s also going to cook for us.”

Joe:  “She’s gonna cook?”

Dot:  “Yes, and she’s an excellent cook!”

Joe:  “She IS?  Well, how the hell do you know that?”

Dot:  “Because she’s cooked her before.”

Joe looked at me suspiciously:  “SHE HAS?!”

Me:  “Yep. Lots of times.”

Joe:  “But isn’t she the Wine Lady?”

Dot:  “No, her name is WHITNEY!”

Joe:  “Oh okay.  Whitney, the Winemaker.”

Me:  “Well, I didn’t actually make this wine, Joe.  I just bought it at the winery.”

Joe:  “So the Winemakers sent you?”

Dot rolled her eyes.  I just smiled and said, “Yep, the Winemakers sent me.”

Joe:  “Oh okay, why didn’t you say so in the first place?  I’d never turn away a Winemaker!”

For the rest of the week Joe referred to me as the “The Wine Lady” and I just went with it.  It is kind of catchy:  “Whitney, the Winemaker”.

Perhaps I missed my calling…

 

The Gypsy.

Dot asked me where I’m going on my days off this week and I told her I’d be staying with friends this week in Portland and next week I’d be driving to Seattle to stay with family

“I’m basically a gypsy right now” I told her.

Joe got a big kick out of that and giggled:  “So you just go wherever it’s most exciting! Man i sure wish I could do that…”

Dot said, “Oh Joe…just drink your coffee!”

Joe winked at me.

Public Service Announcement.

There is a mother/daughter housekeeping team that come here a couple of times a month to do the deep cleaning.  They are the sweetest ladies, and we always have fun chatting with them when they’re here.

Dot made us all get up at 6am today because she was so worried about making it to her 9am hair appointment on time.  Ugh.

The housekeepers got here after Joe and I had already dropped Dot off at Toot’s place.  Just a reminder:  Toots is the only hair stylist in town and she’s kind of a big deal around here.

Of course the first thing that the housekeepers asked me is “where’s Dot?”  Me:  “She’s visiting Toots.”

Joe cracked up and said, “Yeah, she needed to see Toots.  You should’ve seen how FUZZY her hair was!  I didn’t want to say anything to her, but her hair looked pretty wild.”

Me:  “You did tell her that, Joe…”

Joe:  “Is that right?  (laughing) Well, SOMEONE had to tell her!”

We all cracked up.

The housekeepers were telling me about their weekend trip to Seattle, and how they got stuck in terrible traffic.

Me:  “Seattle traffic is the WORST!”

Housekeepers:  “Well it was even worse than usual because they had a section of the city closed off for the Naked Bike Ride…”

Joe was napping in his chair while we were talking, but he perked up when he heard “Naked Bike Ride”.

Joe:  “What’s that you said?”

I explained to him how in Portland and Seattle a group of folks get together and ride their bikes through the city naked.

Joe raised his eyebrows and giggled:  “Naked?!”

Housekeepers:  “Yep.  Some people are into that kind of stuff…”

Joe:  “It doesn’t seem like that would be very comfortable.”

We all agreed with him and were unanimous in saying, “I know!  I’d never do it in a million years.”

Joe looked very concerned:  “Yeah, but I mean…It’d be worse for guys.  I mean…their parts could get caught up in the spokes!”

We all cracked up.  The housekeepers said, “I hadn’t thought of it exactly like that…”

Joe:  “Well you’d better really think about it before you just get naked and jump on a bike!  I hope they warn people about that!”

I attempted to look serious when I said, “I’ll be sure to call them up and tell them to add your warning to the flyers that they hand out to everybody.”

Joe:  “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

THUD THUMP THUD – George went back to reclining in his chair and napping.