Mario Andretti vs The Buick.

Joe, Dot and I were all loaded up in their old Buick and headed to the local meat market this afternoon so that Dot could “stock up”.

We got a few blocks away when the car started shaking.

I said, “Do you guys feel that?  It feels like we have a flat tire…”  So I pulled the car over to the side of the road to look at the tires.

They all appeared to be fine, but I suggested that we head back to the house to be on the safe side.  Dot agreed and said that there was a local mechanic that she could call to come check it out.

Joe just didn’t seem to understand what was going on at all and when we returned to the house he said, “Well that was just a big, fat waste of time!”

Dot and I just ignored him because it doesn’t do any good to explain things when he gets in his moods, but I smiled at him because smiles always seem to calm him down.  It worked because he met my smile with a grin from ear to ear.

The mechanic arrived 15 minutes later, and as he was driving the Buick slowly down the driveway one of the front tires completely blew out.  Joe, Dot and I were standing outside when it happened and it startled us.  We all jumped, and Dot sounded like it was the end of the world when she shouted, “Oh my Good Lord!!”

Joe thought it was hilarious and started giggling.

Dot sounded annoyed when she said: “What is SO funny?”

Joe shouted so that the mechanic could hear him as he was getting out of the Buick:  “YUP!  IT WAS THE TIRES ALRIGHT!”  T

he mechanic and I cracked up.  Dot rolled her eyes.

When the mechanic walked over to us to explain what he would do next, Joe motioned for the guy to come and speak to him privately and the mechanic humored him.

Joe turned his back away from Dot and I, but he was speaking loudly enough for us to hear when he said:  “I’ll tell you what happened.  That girl over there (he pointed directly at me with his thumb and even nodded his head in my direction)…well she’s the CRAZIEST driver you ever SAW!”

The mechanic looked over at me and I winked at him (I’m a terrible winker so it most likely resembled a facial twitch that made me look crazy).  “SHE was driving AT LEAST a hundred miles an hour.  You’d think she was Mario Andretti or something!  And that…THAT is when the tire blew up.”  He widened his eyes for dramatic effect when he said, “We’re lucky to be alive.”

Dot just shook her head and said, “Oh Joe…”


Nice Teeth!

Joe has a partial upper denture, and one of the teeth broke off of it a few weeks ago so we’ve been going back and forth to the dentist to get it repaired.

After going the first week so that the dentist could make a molding of his entire mouth, and then going the second week to have it fitted; by the third week we were finally able to go and pick up his new dentures.

Joe was pretty proud of his new teeth, and on the way home he kept grinning and grinning at Dot and I to show them off.

“Nice teeth!” We told him about a hundred times.

Once we got back to the house, I got our lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and homemade minestrone soup put together, and we all sat at the table to eat.

Joe took one bite of his grilled cheese sandwich and shouted, “What the hell…?”

He looked at Dot and I suspiciously, “Who the HELL put a ROCK in my lunch?!”

He then proceeded to spit one of his newly remodeled teeth into his hand.

I looked at Dot, rolled my eyes, and said with a grin, “Seriously?!”

She sighed and said matter-of-factly, “Well, we’re not gonna do anything about it today…”

Then she looked at Joe and barked, “Joe – finish your sandwich!”

If I Only Had a Nickel.

As we drove over the bridge to go into town this afternoon Joe said, “I’ve driven over this bridge many, many times in my life. If I only had a nickel for every time I’ve driven over this bridge…”

I interrupted him to say, “You’d have a million dollars?”

Joe: “Well, I don’t know about a million dollars…. But I’d have a whole bunch of nickels. Yessiree, I’d have A LOT of nickels!”