Lois (hollers from the kitchen): “What the HELL is this?!”
I quickly made my way toward the direction of her voice. Me: “Oh, that’s the leftover sweet potatoes from dinner.”
Lois: “What the HELL are sweet potatoes doing in the cat food?”
I was confused: “Um…there shouldn’t be sweet potatoes in the cat food…are you trying to feed the cat? I will open a fresh can of food for you.”
Lois: “I don’t NEED a new can! I want to use the rest of THIS can!”
Me: “But Lois, that isn’t cat food. Those are sweet potatoes.”
Lois: “WHO PUT SWEET POTATOES IN THE CAT FOOD!!”
Me: “Okay Lois, just calm down and let me explain this to you.”
Lois was panting at this point because she’d gotten herself so worked up.
Me: “The container that you are holding right now is NOT cat food.”
Me: “I am holding the cat food in my hand right now and I am about to put some of it on the dish for Baby…”
Lois: “BABY DOESN’T LIKE SWEET POTATOES!”
Me: “I’m not giving her sweet potatoes, Lois. I’m giving her the salmon flavored kind.”
Lois: “Salmon flavored SWEET POTATOES?!”
Me: “No. Salmon flavored cat food.”
Lois: “Why are there potatoes with salmon?! Everyone knows that you should serve salmon with RICE!”
I took a deep breath, realizing that there was no winning this debate.
Me: “How about some milk? Does Baby like milk?”
Lois: “Yes, but only if it’s warm.”
Me: “Okay, I will warm up some milk for Baby.”
Me: “What was that you said, Lois?”
Lois: “I said ‘just don’t mix any SWEET POTATOES in with the milk’…”
I just pretended like I didn’t hear that statement.
Lois grumbled again: “I just don’t know who thought it would be a good idea to put any kind of potatoes in cat food; sweet potatoes or otherwise!”
Me: “THERE WERE NEVER ANY FREAKING SWEET POTATOES IN THE FREAKING CAT FOOD FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!”
Don’t worry, I said that last statement internally.
Forever internal replies!