Joe: “What are we watching?”
Dot: “The news.”
Joe: “Huh?”
Dot: “The NEWS!!”
Joe looked at the TV and then looked at me with a concerned expression.
Me: “What’s the matter Joe?”
Joe shrugged: “Well see here… Dot says we’re watching ‘the nudes’ but all those people have their clothes on.”
I tried not to laugh: “I see that…hmm must be the wrong channel, I guess?”
Joe’s eyes lit up: “Yeah…maybe we should turn it back!”
I was having a challenging time getting Joe to go to bed tonight. He was determined that he wanted to get in his truck and “go home”.
Me: “Hey Joe, how about we make a deal?”
Joe: “Well that depends…”
Me: “On what?”
Joe: “It depends on the conditions.”
I laughed: “Okay, here’s what I’m thinking. If you will let me help you get tucked into bed, then I will give you a bowl of ice cream.”
Joe’s eyes lit up and he grinned from ear to ear.
Me: “How does that sound?”
Joe: “I think that sounds pretty good.”
Me: “Okay, great! Let’s get you out of your chair and into your bed then, huh?”
Joe: “Why would I go and do a thing like that?”
Me: “Well you want your ice cream don’t you?”
Joe: “Yeah…”
Me: “Well, you have to get into bed first.”
Joe: “Well shit, if I had known that that was part of the deal I never would have agreed to it!”
Me: “Okay, well what do you think would be a fair deal?”
Joe thought for a minute: “How about you go and make me a bowl of ice cream…”
Me: “Okay, and what will I get from you in return?”
Joe chuckled: “I’ll give you a ride home in my truck!”
Joe is pretty much confined to either his bed or his wheelchair these days, and he’s not happy about it! Last night, he told me that he had to “take a leak” so I got his portable urinal ready for him.
Joe: “What the hell is that thing?”
Me: “It’s a urinal.”
Joe: “Well, what am I supposed to do with it?”
Me: “Well…you urinate in it.”
Joe: “Urinate?”
Me: “Yeah, you know, take a leak…”
Joe: “Oh! Oh yeah, that makes sense. I don’t really need something fancy like this though. Next time you could just bring me a coffee cup or something.”
Me: “Okay, I’ll keep that in mind for next time…”
I helped him to get all situated, and then Dot came in the room.
Joe grinned: “Well I guess I’ve got an audience now!”
Dot: “We won’t look at you. When I was in the nursing home, they tried to have me use a bed pan and then everyone just stood there and stared at me. How are you supposed to go when people are staring at you?”
Joe: “You didn’t use one of THESE things, Dot.”
Dot: “Well, it was sort of like that…”
Joe laughed: “Well no wonder you couldn’t go! You don’t have the right stuff.”
Dot: “The right stuff?”
Joe: “Yeah, you know, the right equipment…to get the job done.”
Dot laughed: “Oh yeah, I guess you’re right about that.”
Joe giggled: “And I oughta know…”
Dot: “Huh? What’d you say, Joe?”
Joe winked at me and smiled: “Nothin.”
Dot was helping me get Joe all tucked into bed and when she leaned down to give him a kiss goodnight, she stumbled and just about landed on top of him.
Dot: “Whoa, I just about threw myself on you, Joe!”
Joe grinned from ear to ear, opened up his covers, and patted the tiny area of mattress next to him: “Come on in, the water’s fine…”
Joe has been hallucinating quite severely today and he keeps saying things like, “Look over there!” and “Whoa! Watch out!!”
I have been trying to redirect his attention to other things but to no avail. Finally I asked him what he was seeing, thinking that maybe we could have a conversation about
it.
Joe: “You mean you don’t see that?”
Me: “Nope, sorry I really don’t…”
Joe: “You don’t see that pipe over there?”
Me: “Like a tobacco pipe?”
Joe laughed harder than he has laughed in weeks.
Joe: “Tobacco pipe?! Why the hell would they be holding a tobacco pipe?!”
Me: “Umm…”
Joe: “It’s a steel pipe. Good god, everybody knows that!”
What was i thinking?!
Joe and Dot 